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Perspective Share This Page
Detached Relationships
by Shernaz Wadia Bookmark and Share

In detachment is freedom. Freedom from the bonds of deluding and unrealistic expectations in relationships. To be detached is to let go, not of the person or of the relationship, but of an anxiety-driven desperation to hang on, which eventually demolishes what it frantically wants to preserve. If you cannot rid yourself of the need to cling to someone or something you cannot hold on to it.

It is to be able to enjoy the beauty of a lovely relationship without being caught in its possessive grasp. Possessiveness is a poisoned barb and it vitiates the atmosphere, which a relationship needs to evolve fully. To possess is to be possessed; whereas detachment lets you stand on the sidelines as a spectator while you are still an integral part of a relationship and view it objectively, with love, without the crippling effects of psychological baggage. Jealousy is another impediment to detachment, which is all about choosing an unfettered ambience wherein two people can live joyously and see their love flourish. There is no ownership in a detached relationship.

It is about giving space and finding your own to explore, experience and grow from that experience without judgmental constraints. Whether it is a child/ parent, teacher/student, husband/wife or friend/friend relationship the time invariably comes to let go, to release and be released from emotional insecurities. To be detached is to break out of the gilded cage that at best gives one a false sense of protection. A detached relationship offers one the limitless sky and space to fly in. It entails watching with pride as the object of your affection spreads her wings and takes flight even as you are airborne on your own trajectory. We are all constantly yearning to fly, chart new vistas, explore new horizons and find our own path. We cannot snip someone else's wings and hope to fly freely ourselves.

Detachment is not to be confused with separation or an uncaring attitude. Two half people, who cling to each other, who are dependent emotionally and psychologically, who have come together from wants and needs, from negative commonalities, cannot build a wholesome relationship. It is synonymous with building a house from material one would use to simply prop up a crumbling structure, rather than with solid building blocks. They are constructing on shaky foundations, augmenting a dilapidated edifice that is bound to come crumbling down. Such a decayed relationship begs for separation. Detachment on the other hand requires immense love, courage and faith. It is to choose to be whole and complete within yourself and to love another from that totality. A detached involvement in a relationship brings its own reward - a togetherness that only truly free spirits can enjoy.

It is to give another the confidence and the courage to stand alone, making leaning unnecessary for any one. Let go of your clutching, clawing power over another. Emotional control and resultant blackmail are the death knells of a relationship. When one holds the strings and wants the other to respond to the pulls on it, it is puppetry, a sick relationship at the most. A rich, truly fulfilling relationship is one in which each person pulls his own strings. Detachment is to untie the strings by which you unfairly secure another to you and let him attain his full potential as an individual. Let him dance to his tune as you gyrate to yours. If you must dance to the same tune let it be out of choice, not compulsion.

On a different level, detachment is the dance of an exuberant soul. A soul that can shout fearlessly: I met the buddha on the way and left him behind.

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07-Aug-2004
More by :  Shernaz Wadia
 
Views: 4645      Comments: 4

Comments on this Article

Comment Thank you, Mohini for your insights and for enjoying the article. Warm regards,

Shernaz
03/27/2014 21:35 PM

Comment Suryakant, I wasn't aware that you had read this piece and commented on it. Sometimes the notifications don't get through to my email id. I chanced upon it now when I got the notification for the comment from Mohini. 5kThank you for your kind words and wishes.

Shernaz
03/27/2014 21:32 PM

Comment Shernaz a wonderful write up ...and so true depiction of human behaviour .The freedom you give is the freedom you get The soul needs no cage ...Thanks for sharing . A delightful read ... Best wishes .

mohinigurav
03/26/2014 12:35 PM

Comment Shernaz , I din't know you could write so beautifully. Healthy relationship is not possible without freedom on both the sides. I think most relationships are destroyed because the two side are busy performing lobotomy on each other and individuality is destroyed. Are you aware that you have a philosophical bent of mind? You make that rare emotion of respect and admiration so easy. The SOUL is important to you and I like that.Many good wishes.

Suryakant
12/24/2013 11:01 AM




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