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Humor / Satire
Understanding Nuclear Deal Issue
by
Varun Dhyani
Recent vote of
confidence in Indian Parliament was treat for me to watch and raise my
datum of self esteem and pride. After watching the entire show, I felt
myself elevated, better staged and much more honorable to my own self.
It was worth watching along with some friends who while watching said �
Yaar, our Dhyaniji is better person than this politician! At least he
lies reasonably!� Though sarcastic remark on me by my friend, I still
took it as compliment. Nice to know at your soul that there are big
liars than you! Sense of guilt now disturbs me with less severity since
than.
Initially I could not understand the whole Nuclear Deal issue. I read in
hurry one of the article which gave a thorough technical, political
explanation to it. I read it while I was having Vada Paav in one of the
Mumbai suburb stations. As the Vada Paav itself, the deal looks nice and
seems to be good. It had all component of the deal which we are
accustomed to. As all deals, two nation and their government involve,
they talk a lot, that it would help build the nation, that it would open
new chapter on development etc. I read from the same author similar
things when �Bofors Deal� was in air. At least with nice munching taste
of Vada Paav, the deal looked absolutely normal. Not many would disagree
with me. If they do, they had no or spoiled Vada Paav in their mouth.
Entire nation took it as normal deal of Indian Government till Left
parties raised the issue.
Whenever I am in for political enlighten, I go to my friend Mukesh
Dondiyal. He has good knowledge of entire Indian political spectrum. I
approached him and started asking him on the deal itself. First thing
for me was to understand the whole political angle to the deal.
He was very philosophical. Mukesh said �Dhyaniji, Kya bolu, it is bit
high funda thing�. I realized he has already quipped joke on me. Before
I could arrest my gesture of displeasure he clarified �Dhyaniji, the
nuclear deal itself is simple. Everybody can understand it but political
masala behind it is bit of high funda�. Given the political naive-ness I
have on Indian politics, I could digest his element of high funda.
What is the funda, I asked. He said� There is one country or group of
countries who can produce the nuclear fuel�s main masala. They pride
there masala and want to sell it to limited people with conditions.� I
was bit curious.� Why are we behind this so called nuclear masala�? He
smiled.� Simple. We don�t have it so we want to purchase it�.
�Why can�t we make our own masala� was my next question. This time he
laughed. He said� Dhyaniji, you are really na�ve in politics. Haven�t
you known yet that we believe more on purchasing things than in making
things?� Being in India I knew our country had honorable record of
purchasing things/technology/ideas/culture, in fact, everything. He went
on� Since we have to buy from them, we have to respect their condition�.
That seems logical I said. Even when I was child I had this friend of
mine who had the whole cricket kit with him and he used to put on
conditions of �First batting� etc before he allowed those cricket kit to
be used by us. It was deeply convincing that for burrowing we committed
to many conditions. Than what is problem to commit to conditions on
purchase? Mukesh threw light to this angle.
�Dhyaniji, that is the politics!� I inquired � Politics in what? Saying
yes or no to the commitment or compliance�. No he said. �The actual
politics is neither saying yes or no to the commitment�. But than what
are those guys demanding and what the conditions are. Mukesh told � They
are as simple as �batting first�, or �bowling first �demand as you used
to have with your friend with Cricket kit�. That was no problem to me. I
asked than why such mayhem over the issue. Mukesh gave a simplistic
answer� Let me tell you the mantra of our Politics. In politics, when
you borrow you literally surrender and accept all conditions. And when
you purchase you negotiate and start thinking about National
Sovereignty, National self Esteem, etc�.
My knowledge on deal was quite clear by now. In simple words I
understood that we wanted to purchase nuclear masalaa which is
specialized item and in order to do that we have to agree to sellers
certain conditions. As regards purchasing nuclear masalaa nobody has any
anxiety, it is the conditions which send tremors to various parties and
the entire nation that No Confidence motion was called in Parliament. No
particular surprise on this count also. After all specialized things and
the special condition would generate special uproar in our country. Have
anyone given any attention to Basmati deal worth billion dollars?
Certainly no. It would be like any other deal which is a routine affair.
I wanted to understand the first uproar and �yeses� and �no�s of parties
that led to bigger uproar in parliament needing a Vote of confidence. I
asked my political advisor Mukesh Dondiyal why Left has got problem. He
said �Congress party said the Deal is �Right� for India. And you know
anything �Right� is not acceptable to the Left parties�. I got the
answer. Well anything �Right� would threaten the Left�s existence and
they won�t like it. I asked him why than Mulayam joined congress in
their �Deal�? His answer was simple. He said � Mulayam and Co is known
for making deal on Deals. For them a deal has to materialize before
their deal start taking shape. So they join to have their play�.
Convincing.
I wondered why BJP went opposing the Deal when, as my friend informed
me, they were the first to give shape to the Deal? His answer was simple
this time and very convincing. He questioned me, �If you are proposing a
deal and somebody hijack you proposal and deal, how would you react??� I
got into fathom of the whole issue now. Picture was becoming very clear.
How about others-the Mayawatis, the Deve Gowdas, the Laloos etc. I
enquired about the legitimacy of these honorable MPs to understand a
thing about the nuclear issue. My friend confirmed, Nuclear is still is
distant wisdom for them. They know about the deal. For them it is
coincidence that this deal is termed Nuclear Deal. There resentment is
whatever the deal is and that now Left was out, than why are they left
out?
Still I pitied the way each member in the house behaved. The chairperson
had to yell intermittently to keep the house calm. When I raised this
issue to my political advisor, he was fuming. He roared� Those who stay
in house made of glass, should not throw stone at others house and
certainly not at Parliament House.�. He quipped again after some
silence. But this time he was in philosophical mood. �Dhyaniji, tell me
one thing, how much time your house or my house is quiet and obedient?
Don�t you or you wife have to yell to bring house in order�. Convinced,
deeply convinced. I know how it is difficult to keep the house in order
even when we are five in the house. A house of 554 people to be kept in
order was a difficult proposition. Particularly the Indian houses and
Parliament House in particular
I went back home totally convinced and satisfied. I took out the
recorded CD of the No Confidence Motion and started watching it again.
Everything looks normal and legitimate. Believe me; my self esteem is
going down now. I am no more seeing bigger liars around me. Sense of
guilt is disturbing me now.
August 10, 2008
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