I dream. I've always dreamed
of being a successful engineer. Its one of the engineers who'll build
affordable personal robots, moon colonies, flying cars and zero gravity
boots. So I spent my four years at college concentrating just on my
engineering. Gals, gossip and other impediments were the last things on my
mind.
Crap.
Actually I would probably have
fallen for the first gal who smiled and winked at me, I would love to be a
leader of a bunch of Advanced Frustrated demons (AFD's) ravaging the
remains of an Average Frustrated Chunk (AFC) who's just come back after a
long day at work chasing his Honey Boney , and gossip all night. Just that
I'm too ill-informed and ignorant most of the times to be a part of it
all. And that somehow saved me from falling under the fire of the AFD's in
the past four years.
And then she buys me at slave
trade.
She said 'I just bought you'.
I believed her. I was gonna be with her for nearly one full day so I tried
a 'if I had to choose one gal who'd buy me, it would be you' . She said
'OK '.
And I waited for the rest of
the day for a response. It didn't come so I tried a 'you've got beautiful
eyes'. She blushed. Still no response.
I decided to rest my case.
That's where my story ended. I gave a 'All the best in life’ card and
decided to exit with dignity.
"No Big deal ”, you’d say. and
I’d say "yeah exactly ."
But then I ended up repeating
the "It was No BIG DEAL " followed by "she knows me ,she was in the
magazine board, just bought me. had fun. nothing else. Full stop. " to
various different really sharp, interrogative AFD's over the next one
week.
And then an AFD would come by
to stop and tell me. " Oh that gal OF YOURS was wearing that yellow shirt
today."
Me : "Did you say....that gal OF MINE
??"
AFD : "looked stunning."
I muse : Always does.
AFD : "So you guys going out again ?"
And I'd repeat- " the No BIG DEAL ...she knows me. blah blah blah.
nothing else. Full stop."
Abbreviations Used :
AFC : Average Frustrated Chunk . Most single college guys. A few
typical traits of an AFC - fixated on to just one certain girl,
supplicating, swallowing whatever crap response a gal gives him. AFD : Advanced Frustrated Demon . The real stars of this story.
They've long ago lost interest in fame, money or GALS. They survive by
getting kicks out of the watching how things develop between a guy and
a gal. Their expertise : Intra campus gossip network, large number of
spies spread all over the campus always looking for trivial data. Data
which can later be spiced up to form engrossing news. LJBF : Lets Just Be Friends . In normal male lingo its the
worst that can happen to a guy approaching a gal. But then again for
some guys reaching that stage is the heaven they always dream of (For
the 'just wanna be friends with you' kind). SLAVE TRADE : A novel concept in our college where the gals buy
guys put up as slaves. The money raised by the event goes into
organizing the farewell for the final year students. Supposedly, many
a lovey-dovey stories start after the slave trade. Its the event AFD's
wait for all year . This is the period a true AFD gets a chance to
prove his inborn mettle. They have the most strenuous time trying to
track all the pairs and how the plot unfolds in each case.
And then a really advanced AFD
would come and say, " hey do you know that THAT GAL who bought THAT GUY
and unka official ho gaya . and THAT GAL-2 and THAT GUY-2 ,they are
also almost official ho gaya. So why aren't you guys going out
again ? "
I'm still in my senses and I repeat what has become my mantra - "was no
Big deal"
And I think if the three quarters of your brain, which is empty, is filled
with gibberish, the gibberish goes and affects the one sane quarter as
well.
I thought about it and realized 5 % of college students in their four
years here end up going around with somebody. The other 95 % (AFD's) have
their share of fun trying get those 5% together. Or better still what is
better stuff for an late night discussion than a guy (AFC) being LJBF 'ed
or bluntly turned down!
So I think its not that suddenly the entire world has turned its sinister
eyes on me and relax and feel its just a part of a well planned community
enjoyment drive.
Then at the breakfast table, somebody I've never ever talked to, would
come up and start speaking as if he was I tied-your-langoti-when-we-were-young
.
" Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
"How's your love life? "
"well excuse me !" ,I say
Him : "oh, I was just wondering if you are the guy she's crazy about."
Me : "what are you talking about ?"
Him : "Now don't act like u don't know anything."
Me : "I actually don't know anything."
Him : "actually a guy proposed to her and she told him 'Lets Just Be
Friends'"
So she had LJBF'ed a guy ;) I felt bad for whoever the guy.
I contemplate ... " Lets Just Be Friends": When a gal says that she means
- I don't just want you to mourn the loss; I want to remind you of it
every day. I want you to suffer. I want you to envy the guy I go out with
sometimes. I want you to die slowly, a bit at a time. And I want you to
smile and thank me for it !!
He continues, "She says there's another guy she's crazy about. So are you
the guy ?"
Me : "oh that's not me. maybe I know who it is but definitely not me."
Him : "who do you think it could be then ?"
Me : "I cant tell you. I've been sworn"
I swell with pride as I think, 'hey she confided in me ,you now guys go
and gossip. I've finally separated myself from the class of AFD's. yeah,
ha-ha !'
Him : "if you r thinking its Mr. XYZ (name changed!). That's not him. That
was her old crush."
Now its just like I've been hit by a scud missile at my very foundation.
How did he know about the guy? These AFD's are GOOD at their job. or she's
probably told somebody else before.
Visibly the interrogator sees he's caught me off guard so he fires another
quick,
"So is it you ?"
Me : "Its not me . She told me that. And I'm not telling u any further"
and I suddenly realize my citizen rights "I want my lawyer before I make
any more statements!"
I always thought I'd very easily fit into the ranks of a pro - AFD. But
now they've got me - to start thinking about her. 'So does she actually
like me ;) she did buy me after all. One wouldn't buy somebody just like
that. Maybe I've got something going here. Have I been blind after all?'
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. In the depth of
dry-old-nerd-life, I finally learned that within me there lay an
invincible wish-to-follow-my-heart.
And then another pro AFD comes up and says - "I saw THAT GAL who bought
THAT GUY going around with that guy. And you know some gals says you are
the only fool, had you tried you too would be a happy pair by now."
'oh shit' I think. 'me jackass. all this while. I gotta do something
quick. after all she's not gonna stay there for me forever. I did really
love her smile (She can kill with a smile). and those eyes (She can wound
with her eyes), oh when I had looked into her eyes -The sky's was a
different blue. She's good some grey cells as well - what more could any
guy ask from a gal. I’ve gotta do something.'
Stupidity is a personal achievement which transcends national boundaries.
{[now if you r into the whole thing now and really excited about what
happened . let me tell you something. I was wrong when I said 95% have
their share of fun trying to see a jackass get LJBF'd from a gal. its all
100% ! ]}
Of course before I am going to do anything dramatically stupid I always
pause for some time.
And according to the highly secretive "male code of ethics" there are
sometimes when you are allowed to talk to another guy about a gal.
So I go up to the quietest guy I know, who wouldn't whisper a tone, my
friend who doubles up as my shrink. and pour out my misery.
Me : "so what do you think?"
Him : "hmmm"
Me : "what shud I do ?"
Him : "hmmm"
Me : "say something u bugger !"
Him : "So do you think this gal has got something going for you"
Me : "How would I know?"
Him : "While talking to you, does she blink more than usual, fluttering
her eyelashes. "
Me : "I don't think so !"
Him : "While talking to you, does she rests an elbow in the palm of one
hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up."
ME : "Ahhhnn ?? Nope. "
Pause. Silence. The Shrink is visibly upset. He's got the -- " God must
love stupid people, He made so many of them" -- expression on his face.
Still he's a friend after all. So he continues.
Him : "do you think u got something going for this gal ?"
Me : "how would I know?"
Him : "okay every time she walks by...."
Me : "yes....?"
Him : "First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your
innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation
shorts the circuits to your brain and you get all woozy. When your brain
burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin
until she leaves."
Me : "na that doesn’t happen !"
So once again shrink so easily settles all the mental turbulences. and I
go off to sleep. peacefully.
Until the next person of the creed of demons would come and tell me, " Did
you see her today?...."
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