Humor /Satire
The Great Indian Political Circus
by Ramendra Kumar

Chapter 4

Dude looked at his watch. It was sharp eight. The Banquet hall of the Hotel Kafila was packed. All the luminaries from the Fourth Estate were present. Representatives of the print as well as the electronic media had all turned up thanks to his efforts. He had rung up each editor/correspondent personally and invited him/her to attend the meet. And it looked like his hard work had paid off.

Dude took the mike and started addressing the gathering. “My dear friends from the media, Shri Garam Singh is slightly delayed. He had gone to Heera Panna slums to kiss the babies of the slum dwellers. There, as he took a baby in his arms, the little one impressed and overawed by the occasion promptly answered nature’s call. Garam Singh has rushed home for a change of clothes. Until he comes pleases enjoy your drinks and a very special programme being presented in your honor.” Dude paused and declared dramatically: “A sizzling ‘item number’ by the one and only Sofia.”

Sofia slithered on to the dais fully clothed and to the tune of a Anoop Lota bhajan remix began gyrating and shedding her clothes. Just as she reached her last slip, Garam Singh entered and the Press Conference started.

Garam Singh took the mike and began his speech.

“My dear friends, I am very happy to be here before you once again. Without wasting time on formalities let me give you the terrific news. I and a few of my like-minded friends have decided to launch a new party and have named it Congress Alpha. This will be a party with an entirely new ideology, new value system, new ethos, new vision and new mission. We have prepared a press brief which will give all the details. I invite you to join me for dinner and we can interact over plates of Hamami Tangdi Kabab, Kadai mein mast hua murg musallam, Dahi mach ke andar ubla hua kaddu and other mouth watering delicacies prepared by Tarla Halaal, the talented Chef of this hotel.”

Members of the fourth estate pounced on the food and the conference ended amidst sounds of bites, belches, gulps and slurps.

***
The next day Garam Singh was sitting in his office going through the newspapers.
Dude entered and on seeing him Garam Singh gnashed his teeth and snarled:

“What is this, Dude? Not a single photo of mine! Just look at the papers-every single paper features that damn Sofia in various stages of undress. I haven’t seen the T.V. news this morning but I am sure there too that goddamn item female must have reigned supreme.”

“My dear and respected FFIL, you are not quite right. First take the print media. Just read the stories. The Slime of India, has brought out a special supplement sponsored by ‘Virodh Sanitary Napkins’ and ‘Kakkaji Condoms’, on the Congress Alpha, The Hindian Impress and The New Bharat Times both carry editorials devoted entirely to you and Congress Alpha. The copy is all about you. And, pardon me for saying but Sofia in a state of dress or undress is definitely more appealing than you. Believe me, her photos must have attracted much greater attention that yours.”

Dude looked at FFIL who didn’t seem all that impressed. “Moving now to TV, all the channels have carried our news. Of course most of the footage has gone to Sofia but your face was shown for seven and mine for all of two seconds. But don’t you worry, End of TV - 24x7 , the most popular TV channel is organizing a special edition of ‘The Big Fight’ which will feature Piloo Pahalwan, the General Secretary of Janata Khichdi and yours truly. Kab Tak, is planning to do an exclusive interview with you entitled Andar Ki Baat sponsored by Lux underwear. Sitara One have requested you to come as their special guest for their superhit programme ‘The Laughter Champions’. Imagine you will be sharing the dais with Shaker Semen and Navjot Piddu!”

Just then the phone rang and Garam Singh pounced on it. “Hello! Yes, speaking. Yes, yes thank you, thank you very much. You liked it? Sensational, is it? I am very happy. Of course it was my idea. Thank you.”

Garam Singh replaced the receiver and again the phone rang. “Yes, haan, bolo. You loved it? Brilliant strategy? Thank you. Yes, yes my idea, thank you.” Singh replaced the receiver, got up and hugged Dude.

“You were absolutely right puttar. These two phone calls were from total strangers, congratulating me on the brilliant strategy of using Sofia to focus attention on Congress Alpha. I think our strategy has really worked wonders. Shabash to both of us.”     

– To be Continued

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March 18, 2007

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