Humor /Satire
The Great Indian Political Circus
by Ramendra Kumar

Chapter 23

Lord Inder was resting in his private chamber. To his left was Menaka and to his right Urvashi. Rambha, the favored one, was sitting on his lap feeding him grapes.

Unthonee Muni entered and said ”Good evening, Lord Inder.”

“Come, come, Unthonee, how are you?”

“I am fine, boss. How are you?”

“On top of world, Tony.”

“Boss, apart from the presence of these divine beauties is there any other reason for your exalted position? Has Diva been transferred?”

“Ha, ha. No, stupid, I have accepted the Chairmanship of United Hell Undivided.”

“Congrats, boss. Have you informed Lord Brahma?”

“I wrote the resignation letter in triplicate and threw all the copies in his face.”

“How did he take it, boss?”

“He got thoroughly bugged. You should have seen his face. He could only open his mouth and stutter.”

“Boss, when will you be leaving?”

“By the end of this month. I have already sent Vishwakarma to construct a state-of-the-art office there. I want all the latest stuff – cellular phones, plasma TVs, laptops, nineteenth generation computer etc.”

“Boss, when did you decide to accept?”

“Just two days back. The day I got your report on Mera Bharat Mahaan, I had a stroke of luck. Brahma had to go on official tour to Pataal. I grabbed the opportunity and airdashed to Hell in my private Pushpak Viman. I spent two whole days there. Tony, let me tell you one thing. When compared to MBK Hell is Heaven. Of course it has its share of scandals, murders, dacoities, rapes etc. but nothing when compared to good ol’ Bharat. The problem in hell is one of discipline. Nobody is scared of anyone or anything. No punishment works. People who come there are hardened criminals. They are not scared of anything. On earth if you tell a chap, however tough he may be, that if he doesn’t reform he will be sent to Hell, nine times out of ten he will tremble like a jelly and turn over a new leaf. But in Hell you can’t tell a chap that you’ll send him to Hell, you….” Lord Inder paused and suddenly jumped up clapping his hands and sending Rambha tumbling.

“Hey, Tony, I have an idea of a lifetime,” exclaimed Inder, “I know how I can enforce discipline in Hell. And remember Tony, once I discipline Hell, I’ll have the strongest fighting force in the entire universe. No one has the kind of toughies Hell has. Now I have the magic mantra to scare the shit out of the toughies in hell and build a tight, cohesive and disciplined force.”

“How, boss?”

“Simple, I’ll tell them,” Lord Inder raised his voice and declared, “You illegitimate sons of Brahma, if you don’t obey my instructions, totally, absolutely and completely, I’ll send you to Mera Bharat Mahaan, for the next five years, as a common man.” He looked at his select audience of four for response.
Rambha, Urvashi, Menaka and Uthonee jumped up.

“What a brilliant idea!” shouted Menaka.

“Bravo boss, bravo,” screeched Urvashi.

“Fantastic, darling,” squealed Rambha.

“Terrific, boss, terrific,” screamed Uthonee.

Lord Inder took an elaborate bow and picking up Rambha placed her on his lap and continued munching grapes.

Epilogue

Garam Singh was sitting alone in his chamber staring into space. He was sporting a week-long beard. He looked dishevelled and haggard. He got up suddenly and started pacing the floor muttering to himself. “I won’t spare anyone. I’ll finish all of them. Traitors, dirty, double crossing swines!

He slapped his fist against his palm.

“And that bastard Dude. I’ll kill him. No, no, that will end his suffering too quickly. First I’ll tear his limbs, gouge his eyes out and then castrate him. That filthy dog deserves to be whipped in public. And that bitch Makhmal should be raped a million times. I should have really done to her what she accused me of doing.”
He began punching the air and beating his chest. He suddenly sat down on his haunches. “But what can I do? Everyone has deserted me. I am all alone. All my money is gone. I spent every paisa on the elections. That bitch and that bastard have completely ruined me. I am totally finished. I can’t even go out. People are baying for my blood. I’ll get lynched. My effigies are being burnt in every street corner.”

Just then cries of “Garam Singh murdabad! Garam Singh hai hai!” rent the air.
Garam Singh collapsed on the floor holding his head in his hands.

In the background, over World Space radio, this song could be heard:

“Dost dost na raha
Pyaar pyaar na raha,
Zindagi hame tera
Aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha”

Just then the phone rang. Garam Singh let it ring muttering to himself, “Must be some stupid press reporter wanting to know my reaction.”

After around 20 rings he picked up the phone.

“Hello!” he croaked.

“Hello, GS, Lala here.”

“Yes, Lala,” Garam Singh sighed.

And for the next one hour they got busy describing to each other what they would like to do to Dude and Makhmal Malini.

Finally, Lala said, “Listen, Garam, I have had a brilliant idea. I have decided to launch four parties at a time – Congress Allah, Congress Rama, Congress Jesus and Congress Vaahe Guru. Do you want to know the details?”

“Yes, yes,” Garam Singh said, his face lighting up.

“Then listen…..”

On the radio, the following song could now be heard:

“Woh subah kabhi to aayegi
Woh subah kabhi to aayegi….” 

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August 12, 2007

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