• I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound they  make as they go flying by.

• Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

• Needing someone is like needing a parachute.  If he isn't there  the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

• I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I  thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?

• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

• I don't suffer from stress.  I am a carrier. 

• Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. 

• Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

• The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

• Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

• If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

• When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

• When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, " How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

• Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.

• Never argue with an idiot.  They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

– Mohan Dadlani