How Birth Order affects
Children's behavior & personality
by Michael Grose
In real estate there are only three factors worth
considering - position, position and position. Investors
know the importance of location. Buying the worst house or
property in the the best street is considered a smarter
option than buying a terrific property in a less than
desirable location. Location is also important in human
development. Keen observers of human behavior realize the
importance of birth order and its affects on a child's
behavior, personality and performance.
It is fascinating to look at the similarities and
differences between children in families according to the
perspective of birth order.
A first born child is in a revered but somewhat difficult
position in his or her family. They are often burdened by
exceedingly high parental expectations, particularly if they
are boys. For a time they are the only children who gain
undivided attention from their parents and even
grandparents. Their every move is under scrutiny. A quick
check of most family photo albums will probably show twice
as many photos of a first born than any other child -
particularly when they were babies and toddlers.
The first born position is almost regal and worth
preserving. The arrival of a second alters this idyllic
situation so first-borns often spend a great deal of their
time and energy demonstrating their ascendancy over others.
"Look mum he's being naughty again" is often the
first-born's anthem as they go to great lengths to show
parents how much better than younger siblings they can be.
First-borns are also trail-blazers for the siblings that
follow. They are continually taking their parents into new
ground - breaking them in for the benefit of the others who
follow. Many children complain that their parents are often
stricter and more anxious about raising first-borns than
they are with the children that follow.
The youngest child, particularly when there are three or
more children, has a favored position in the family.
Unburdened by the high expectations that many parents have
for their eldest children many youngest experience greater
success than their siblings or they will make their mark in
life in a very individualistic way.
Many have greater freedom than their elder siblings as their
parents tend to be less anxious about their development and
provide them with more space and opportunity to go their own
way, than was given to elder siblings.
As the youngest in a family of four I had far greater
freedom than any of my siblings. My parents admitted that
they had learned from experience which of my childhood and
adolescent behaviors they should ignore and those that they
should pick up. To put it mildly I had a good time of it at
home.
Recently, an old family friend put my favored treatment more
bluntly. "You were spoiled rotten when you were young. You
had everything your own way," she reminded me. That is often
the way for the youngest!
And some parents have difficulty letting go of their
youngest child. We usually can't wait to let our eldest
stand on their own two feet however, we have a habit of
holding our youngest back. Many youngest children complain
that even as adults their parents still refer to them as the
baby of the family.
Second born children are often born into a competitive
atmosphere, due to the pressure exerted by the eldest.
Second-born often adopt behaviors and characteristics that
are the exact opposite of the first-born. Often when a
first-born is cooperative and pleasant, the second will be
the trouble-maker. At least everyone knows he or she is
around. Or if the eldest is the academic the second-born may
be the sportsperson or excel in the arts. The second-born
are often the black sheep of their families choosing to make
their mark in unconventional ways.
Only children spend much of their early years in the company
of adults, so it is not surprising that they often develop
characteristics that please their elders. Sometimes
precocious, sometimes pampered, only children often prefer
their own company and have little trouble keeping themselves
occupied. They can also carry the entire weight of their
parents' expectations which can be a burden to carry around.
The wider impact of a person's birth order is often
underestimated. There is significant evidence to suggest
that family position influences career paths and even our
choice of life-time partner. Anecdotal evidence suggests the
number of first-borns who hold positions of responsibility
and power in both community settings and within the
workplace is greater than second-born or other positions.
When choosing a partner for life birth order may be a more
accurate indicator of compatibility than a horoscope. I
suspect there is a large number of first born women with
experience caring for younger siblings as children who have
married a youngest born who is just looking for a mothering
type. A little research amongst the people around you will
reveal that such notions are not as far-fetched as they
might sound.
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A first born child is in a revered but somewhat difficult
position in his or her family. They are often burdened by
exceedingly high parental expectations, particularly if they
are boys. For a time they are the only children who gain
undivided attention from their parents and even
grandparents. Their every move is under scrutiny. A quick
check of most family photo albums will probably show twice
as many photos of a first born than any other child -
particularly when they were babies and toddlers.