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Parenting
Parents are
People Too!
by Garima Gupta
We have
witnessed a kind of revolution lately. A silent, but highly successful
revolution, in which little people have taken over the world from
grownups. Suddenly, A whole generation of young parents is living under
the commands , wishes and whims of three foot tall kings and queens.
These Kings and Queens are not only responsible for deciding what to buy
and where to go, but also a huge portion of how their parents lead their
lives.
It is like a epidemic. Almost all ambitious career women I knew have
hung up their boots to rear their young ones. They probably expected an
easy life ahead, full of sweet stories and TV soaps when they had put in
their papers. Instead, they are on their tiptoes, day long, 24/7 ,
juggling pizza and pasta, karate class and swimming lessons, indoor and
outdoor games. They are required to be the world’s best cook, coach,
storyteller and driver. And when Papa comes home, the duty changes. A
new servant arrives to pamper and serve the little rulers. The parents,
willingly, relinquish the command of the household to the apple of their
eyes. They give up on their grown-up pleasures, and hobbies, and lead
life with a singular aim of creating an IIT/IIM/AIIMS graduate of their
child. So, you’ll find plenty of parents using all available techniques,
teaching nursery rhymes to 18 month olds and reading to three year olds!
The situation in a lot of homes is frankly, out of control!!!
I am not suggesting that we stop caring for our kids. Neither is it
wrong to be ambitious about them. In fact , it is quite natural for
parents to dream big for their children. Parents in all ages and eras
have been doing so. But I would definitely say that weaving ones life
totally around the kids , and to loose the independence in the process
we so craved for as a teenager, is going a bit too far. Parents need to
stop being a doormat, and look at their needs as genuinely important
too. Not only will it teach kids to respect their parent’s time and
efforts, it will also prevent parental ‘burn-out’ resulting from giving
to much of oneself to the process of parenting.
There is another reason for me to advocate this. I see, all around me,
young, talented moms, dedicating their whole time to their kids. The
only point of conversation with them is their kids. They can go on and
on about little Richa’s paintings and Mehul’s theatrics, but try to hold
their attention for more than one minute on any other general topic!!
Either Richa would be eating sand, or Mehul’s nose would start running.
Mamma darling has to run with the Hankey, so bye friend. Nice talking to
you. These mothers entirely lose out on adult company, for they are too
busy being a hankey, pillow, spoon etc. to be an interesting adult!!
They lose touch with their old friends, and never get around to make new
ones. Unfortunately for them, kids don’t need mammas for ever. Sooner or
later , they grow up old enough to fetch their own real hankey, pillow
and spoon. Mamma is no longer needed in the playground, and is only
tolerated in PTA meetings. When such a time arrives, the doting ,
all-sacrificing mother has neither a hobby nor a friend to fall back
upon.
It is great to have a baby. It is even more wonderful to watch her grow,
and to be a party in her growth. No achievement can compare to the
feeling a parent gets to see the child play a tune perfectly on the
keyboard !! But we should be alert that this does not start defining our
lives totally. If your kid goes to a class, join a class nearby
yourself. You’ll learn something new, and your child would have a role
model in you. Don’t get so engrossed in watching your kids grow, that
you stop growing yourself. (Except the occasional gray hair, of course).
Let them have some time by themselves while you watch your favorite
serial. It doesn’t have to be cartoon all the time. Do not postpone your
facial till eternity. Or calling friends over for a chat. Your child
will get around to understand that Mom has life beyond him too.
I agree, that these are precious years for your preschooler. But these
are not exactly junk years for you either. As you help and support and
nourish your young one, cherish and grow yourself too. Do not feel
guilty in taking some personal time away from the kids. It will do you
good, and will eventually help the whole family. Also worth considering
is the fact, that children learn best when they are not being taught.
They assimilate, understand and remember information best when it
arrives to them from natural sources, and when they ask for it. They
learn best when unhurried. So why bother yourself making your kid mug
the full Encyclopedia Britannica, when you can use that time to get a
full body massage once a week for the whole lifetime!! (And your child
would still learn a lot from the Encyclopedia, at his on pace, at his
own time) .
April 16, 2006
Top
| Parenting
The Week of April 16, 2006
Choice Before China : Dalai Lama Tests Beijing's
Credentials by Rajinder Puri
Oh God, I wish to be Sonia ... by Usha Kakkar
India MUST NOT Lose Nepal to the Maoists by
Dr. Subhash Kapila
Will the US Strike against Iran? by B. Raman
Antulay's Proclamation for Vicious Vivisection of
India by V. Sundaram
Earthquakes Threaten Obelisks of Culture by
VK Joshi
Leaders Must Set the Example so Others will
Follow by William C. Gladish
The Song and Science of Dance by Rajgopal
Nidamboor
Misuse of Myths by Foolish Fundamentalists by
Gaurang Bhatt, MD
Is there an Alternative for the Wars of the
World? by TA Ramesh
Next Stop Iran! by Usha Kakkar
When Bangalore Burnt! by Garima Gupta
Some Vastu Questions by Niranjan Babu Bangalore
A Humble Indian's Grand Vision for India by
Aruni Mukherjee
Global Search for Software Patents by M.
Qaiser & P. Mohan Chandran
VoIP : Technology to Cut
Phone Bills by Ruchi Gupta
Irom Sharmila, a Living Icon of Liberty-Famished
Indians by Marc-Olivier Parlatano
Call for Papers: Development Studies (Volume 2)
edited by Dr. Presenjit Maiti
Film Making as a Career by Pallavi
Bhattacharya
The Strange Case of Homeopathy by Dr. Muneeb
Faraaz
Silicosis – A 'Dusty' Tale in Rajasthan
by Deepak Malik
Meditation and Beauty by Sugandha Indulkar
Parents are People Too! by Garima
Gupta
Damned if I do, damned if I don't by Monisha Sen
Biking to Work by Subra Narayan
Poster Women by Deepti Priya Mehrotra
Chainsaw-Wielding Women by Stephanie Hiller
Mothers Sued, Docs go Free by Sreelatha Menon
The Right Name: Child Rights and You by Smita
Jain
100-Day Schools by Vinita Deshmukh
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