In detachment is freedom. Freedom
from the bonds of deluding and unrealistic expectations in
relationships. To be detached is to let go, not of the person or of the
relationship, but of an anxiety-driven desperation to hang on, which
eventually demolishes what it frantically wants to preserve. If you
cannot rid yourself of the need to cling to someone or something you
cannot hold on to it.
It is to be able to enjoy the beauty of a lovely relationship without
being caught in its possessive grasp. Possessiveness is a poisoned barb
and it vitiates the atmosphere, which a relationship needs to evolve
fully. To possess is to be possessed; whereas detachment lets you stand
on the sidelines as a spectator while you are still an integral part of
a relationship and view it objectively, with love, without the crippling
effects of psychological baggage. Jealousy is another impediment to
detachment, which is all about choosing an unfettered ambience wherein
two people can live joyously and see their love flourish. There is no
ownership in a detached relationship.
It is about giving space and finding your own to explore, experience and
grow from that experience without judgmental constraints. Whether it is
a child/ parent, teacher/student, husband/wife or friend/friend
relationship the time invariably comes to let go, to release and be
released from emotional insecurities. To be detached is to break out of
the gilded cage that at best gives one a false sense of protection. A
detached relationship offers one the limitless sky and space to fly in.
It entails watching with pride as the object of your affection spreads
her wings and takes flight even as you are airborne on your own
trajectory. We are all constantly yearning to fly, chart new vistas,
explore new horizons and find our own path. We cannot snip someone
else’s wings and hope to fly freely ourselves.
Detachment is not to be confused with separation or an uncaring
attitude. Two half people, who cling to each other, who are dependent
emotionally and psychologically, who have come together from wants and
needs, from negative commonalities, cannot build a wholesome
relationship. It is synonymous with building a house from material one
would use to simply prop up a crumbling structure, rather than with
solid building blocks. They are constructing on shaky foundations,
augmenting a dilapidated edifice that is bound to come crumbling down.
Such a decayed relationship begs for separation. Detachment on the other
hand requires immense love, courage and faith. It is to choose to be
whole and complete within yourself and to love another from that
totality. A detached involvement in a relationship brings its own reward
- a togetherness that only truly free spirits can enjoy.
It is to give another the confidence and the courage to stand alone,
making leaning unnecessary for any one. Let go of your clutching,
clawing power over another. Emotional control and resultant blackmail
are the death knells of a relationship. When one holds the strings and
wants the other to respond to the pulls on it, it is puppetry, a sick
relationship at the most. A rich, truly fulfilling relationship is one
in which each person pulls his own strings. Detachment is to untie the
strings by which you unfairly secure another to you and let him attain
his full potential as an individual. Let him dance to his tune as you
gyrate to yours. If you must dance to the same tune let it be out of
choice, not compulsion.
On a different level, detachment is the dance of an exuberant soul. A
soul that can shout fearlessly: I met the buddha on the way and left him
behind.
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