|
|
Ramblings
My Truth Fairy
She has been my
companion from childhood. She is a jigsaw puzzle with a difference. The
picture is there, an outline suggestive of ethereal, unblemished and
immortal beauty, but the pieces are not provided! They come to you at
different times in life or lifetimes. They are no ordinary pieces. These
are precious gems. All equally priceless regardless of their physical
attributes, because even if the tiniest one is missing, the exquisite
picture remains incomplete and marred.
I discovered my first piece when I was all of seven years old. I was very
attached to my maternal grandmother. I loved to sit on her small cot and
watch as she arranged clothes in tidy piles in her beautiful old cupboard.
I would admire her dainty gold sari pin, the fascinating set of scales and
tiny weights (the kind jewelers have) and a lot of her other desirous
possessions. I loved that cupboard with its Belgian mirror, glossy polish
and a little carving and always wanted one like that. Then one day she
died, heartbroken after her young son’s demise. She just went away leaving
every well cared for and admired thing behind. A few days earlier my dad’s
sister had died and she left behind even more things she was very attached
to. I felt lonely. I missed grandma and tried to make sense of what was
happening around me. One day I sat on her bed, contemplating the cupboard,
which had somehow lost its charm and then it struck me: “What use is it to
run after these things if we have to leave them behind?” Shorn of its
gloss, the true aspects of materialism became evident, and an awareness
that there is plenty more to life dawned on me at that tender age.
Soon after I was sent off to the boarding school to join my elder sisters.
Each time going back after a grand vacation was torture. My sisters began
their act, crying two days in advance to arouse pity and prolong the
vacation. They would try to force me to do the same. One day I snapped
back: “What use is crying? We have to go so we have to go.” That I believe
was another piece of the puzzle. It taught me the futility of fighting the
inevitable. What has to be will be. Accept it and flow along with it. In
the meantime I had grown attached to my grandpa. I instinctively sensed
his loneliness even though very loving and caring children surrounded him.
His quiet desolation reflected the years of intimacy and companionship,
love and togetherness brought to an end by grandma’s passing away. As he
remembered and talked about their life together I learned about the
permanence of love in impermanent relationships. One more piece clicked
into place.
A few years later when I was in high school, my father left this world. I
had grown close to him in the intervening years and I began to blame
myself for his demise. It was very obvious that anyone I got attached to
was embraced by death. Was I jinxed? My mother’s fortitude, her
indomitable faith in God and her selfless love even during the harshest
times, was soothing balm for my tormented soul. She, together with my dad,
helped me find some of the most elegant pieces to go into my puzzle. Long
after they have both passed away they continue to inspire us.
Humor was one very prized and charismatic bit that I found in my parents’
home. It was more a gift from my elder sisters. I learnt to laugh at
myself; I learnt that life’s burdens were less heavy if you looked at the
lighter side and most importantly I learnt that it is far more profitable
to laugh with others than at them. That truly is one of the grandest
pieces.
The mindless violence I witnessed during the 1992 communal riots dropped a
blood-drenched piece painfully into place. Violence is etched deeply in
our minds, unceasingly reinforced by ego-fed beliefs of superiority. Peace
can heal the world community only when individuals reconcile the tyranny
of violence within them, by truly understanding the nature of violence and
the oneness of all humanity. Until then we will have only a semblance of
peace, a treacherously fragile fabric, which can be fortified exclusively
by loving acceptance and understanding of our unique differences.
Loving acceptance and understanding of our unique differences – it is an
incalculably rich mosaic piece. A tiny puzzle in itself, its pieces were
fitted in amongst others, by a marvelous husband and later by an equally
remarkable friend. I taught myself to emulate their exceptional qualities,
the sympathy and empathy they bring into their relationships and so to
keep enriching other interpersonal transactions of my life. It also
brought home another truth. Every life that touches ours, however
remotely, weaves into it an inextricable pattern with threads that bind us
together forever. It is detrimental to our own spiritual growth not to
acknowledge the unity in our apparent disparity.
Life is an endless game of treasure hunt. Each unraveled clue is magically
transformed into another alluring piece that slides into the jigsaw fairy.
And yet much of my puzzle is still unsolved. It will be fantastic if I can
achieve that in this life. Otherwise I will have to keep coming back till
it is complete. Some day I will merge into my Truth Fairy and we will fly
away into eternity together, Inshallah never to return.
–
Shernaz Wadia
November 14, 2004
Top
|
Ramblings
|
|
