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Ramblings
Of Birds, Bees, Beasts
and other Animals
by Julia Dutta
Recently I received an invitation to a special party. The invitation
read:
"Dear
friends of Julie and Aftab,
Our bachas , our two dogs, Aftab and Julie are one. We wish to
celebrate our joy over their fabulous presence in our lives this
past year with a tea party. This will be on October 2 at 4.30pm, at
Aftab and Julie's residence. Sensible presents for Aftab include
Fabindia smallest shirt size and Levi's jeans size 32. If opting for
Fabindia, two inches should be trimmed off the bottom. Julie's
Bluffmaster cassette is dying from overuse and she has been looking
for a replacement. And oh yeah, bones, liver, stuffed cats and
suchlike. If you prefer to gift edibles you should know that my dogs
are strictly non-vegetarian as per their religious beliefs. Those
planning to dedicate October 2 purely to Gandhigiri should keep in
mind that the menu includes ham, potato salad, over-the-top cakes
and wine of many colors."
 I
decided to make it really special. I have two babies - my two cats,
Tobee and Spottu and am a foster mother to the two dogs belonging to our
neighbors called, Laila and Majnu. Tobee ordinarily is a gentleman and
extremely well behaved. Spottu! Well! The less said the better! He is
naughty, aggressive and these days Tobee and Spottu, both are at each
other more often than not. They have both fallen in love with Honeymoon,
that sweet little girl-kitten who is now a big girl. At one time she
used to be sitting on my power chair in the living room as if she was
Queen of Sheeba. In fact, it is apparent that she is the Queen of Sheeba.
You should see the way she has got Tobee and Spottu dancing around her
little paws, like devoted Romeos! Laila and Majnu are in stiff
competition with Tobee and Spottu over the milk they receive every
morning and evening. Tobee and Spottu have to literally slurp up the
milk before Laila and Majnu decide to grab their share. In animal
kingdom, as in human, there are no good manners when it comes to food
and sex. Free for all! Rule of the jungle! And why not? We are all a
bunch of evolved jungalees, aren’t we?
So to change the atmosphere of fights over women and food, I thought I
would give them a whale of a time!
On the 2nd I piled into my car, my two cats and Laila and Majnu and
arrived 30 minutes after the party had begun. (Ahem! One must get
noticed by late appearance and all that!) I was stupid! No sooner had
the door opened Aftab and Julie charged at my family and me. Tobee and
Spottu were smart. They squeezed in through the door and ran into the
attached garden and up the tree. Laila and Majnu growled and snarled at
Aftab and Julie and a fight broke out between the dogs on the one hand
and the owners on the other.
" Julia! Who asked you to get yours?"
" But!" I said defiantly " I thought you would be pleased at this move
since….." I was being circled threateningly by all the dogs and suddenly
one pushed me so hard that I fell…" after all" I continued as I fell, "
This is a party for the animals….right?"
" Which animal are you referring to? " my friend said as she came to
pick me up.
" I mean all of us!"
The cats had now decided to run between her legs and in that minute
instead of picking me up, she too fell like a pile of bricks on me
screaming " Aaaaw"! Her sister dashed behind the dogs " Julie! Aftab!
Stop it immediately!" And slipped on the ketchup on the floor which had
tumbled down from the table. We were three on the floor by now, trying
hard to get up and being pushed back by the speeding dog-catch-cat
chase. The house was in a state! Who is to stop a bunch of cats and dogs
and other animals? There was pandemonium all over – tables laden with
food were on the floor, humans screeched, and squealed, cats flew from
trees at humans and landed on their shoulders, dogs barked and
howled….it was a mess! The caterers ran away.
In my opinion, the party turned out superb! So many people on the floor,
wailing and screaming, the music going on and on without anyone
listening to it. Househelp, locked inside the kitchen, having sumptuous
helpings of food. Good for them! They had a feast, while we had the
beasts on us. There was no end to the chasing and there was no end to
Majnu’s howling….he was the one who sat and stared at the skies and
howled and howled as if there was a moon in the sky. What nobody had
seen is the umpteen numbers of birds on the tree that were also chirping
loudly, adding to the pandemonium in the flat. Majnu’s partner, Laila,
always swifter than most others, chased Aftab and Julie till they
reached the owners bedroom and turned the bed into a battlefield.
At that moment, I had a brainwave! "Get some water." I screamed. And
then the work began – mug full of water was thrown on the dogs and cats
till they dispersed. So did the humans. I was left with Majnu and Laila,
Tobee and Spottu. An angry friend, a bad back and a bellyful of
laughter.
On our way back, Tobee, Spottu, Laila and Majnu, all of us laughed and
laughed! Oh! What a party that was! Wish you were there!
October 8,
2006
Written for my partner,
who is away and missing home. We love and miss you too!
Image under license with
Gettyimages.com
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Ramblings
The Week of October 8, 2006
Goodbye America? N-deal Setback may be Tip of
Iceberg! by Rajinder Puri
India's Leadership Crisis : Impact on Defense and
Politics by Gaurang Bhatt, MD
Presidential System of Government for India
by Dr. Subhash Kapila
Always Yes to Planned Murder by Terrorists by
V. Sundaram
Parliament Attack: The Clemency Chaos by
Nagesh Padmanaban
Indo-Pak relations: It’s time to end the relations
by Dr. Deepak Pawar
Dengue Et Al: A Billion Terrorists Strike
by Col. Rahul K. Bhonsle
SPAC: Special Purpose Acquisition Company by
Deepak Dahiya
Railway Safety is No Accident! by Arya Bhushan
Empires and Dust: Travels in Modern India -
III by Ashish Nangia
Distressed Habitation by VK Joshi
Dal: A Lake or a Polluted Pond? by Naira
Yaqoob
A Matter of Faith by Naira Yaqoob
In Search of God by Pradeep Joshi
Mahisasura-Mardini: The Sacred Narrative of Durga
Ma by Aparna Chatterjee
Is Hero Worship still there? by TA Ramesh
Pandit Shyamaji Krishna Verma: Salutations to a
Great Revolutionary by V. Sundaram
Secret India at war celebrates its re-invented
past by Marc-Olivier Parlatano
Creation of a second capital of Karnataka in Belgaum
by Niranjan Babu Bangalore
The Future History of Taiwan by William R.
Stimson
Sex Workers Take Charge by Usha Revelli
New Day Dawns for Child Servants by Mini Sharma
From Tashkent to the World by Albina Belevich
A Circle of Peace by Stephanie Hiller
Text Books for Change by Deepti Priya Mehrotra
Happy Dusshera! by Glory Sasikala Franklin
Where Myths & Superstitions Heal by Anil Gulati
Of Birds, Bees, Beasts and Other Animals by
Julia Dutta
When I was Pin-ned down! by Prakash Pathre
The Witty Side by Melvin Durai
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