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Stories
In
Between
Arrival and Departure
Didi's residence is about a mile away from the railway station. In such a
scorching heat like this, it seems impossible for me to tread the distance
over. Words fail me whenever I try to call the rickshawala and the only
ten-rupee note contained in my pocket seems to mock at me. Throwing a
glance all around I step forward with a bag in hand. It took me half an
hour to reach Didi's house. Didi standing on the threshold of the door,
not containing in her rushed to embrace me.
“Come along!” Didi spoke as she advanced her steps. I followed Didi in
silence while ascending steps of the staircase.
“ How is it that here! You're never heard from you”
“Tomorrow is my interview.”
“Over here?”
“Yeah-in a local branch of the state bank.”
Didi had already left the room after making me take my seat in the drawing
room. She returned with a tumbler of water in her hand.
“How is papa? Didi asked me handing over the tumbler to me.”
“All well with papa” –unknowingly the words slipped from my tongue.
Papa had very well instructed me not to talk to Didi about his health. But
I had made up my mind to speak the plain truth of papa's illness, as I was
no longer able to bear the load. But when Didi asked about papa’s
health-words faltered.
"Doctor uncle must be paying visits regularly?” Didi must have guessed
from my gestures and this question was the result thereof.
“Yeah”- after replying briefly- I kept num.
Didi incessantly stared at me. It seems to me as if torn collar of my
shirt was her target. I turn my face right. Now I have started looking at
the pictures hung on the wall.
“ What about your previous interview?"
“ I qualified myself in written but couldn't be selected in interview for
want of recommendation!" And with this I try to spread a smile on my dry
lips.
Didi went out. The very moment I happened to glance over a human shadow
behind the curtain. I sat in an orderly manner. On curtain being lifted, I
very well recognized this human shadow behind as my Didi's mother- in-
law. I bowed before her in reverence.
“ How are you my dear sonny- be seated. What about your papa?"
“ All well Papa." All of a sudden my eyes fell on my torn shoes. I try to
hide them under the table.
“ It is since long - I have been reminding your Didi to write you a letter
asking you to send a few articles to me I needed most. ”
I kept sitting hanging my head in shame. Words failed me to express. After
a little pause of few moments, Didi came in with a tray of tea. This time
Didi tried to smile in vain. Her seriousness was evident from her face. In
an unlovely and feeble voice she poured her heart.
“ Bite, sometimes I think it would have been better if Papa had not got me
married.” I was simply shocked and stared at Didi for a while.
“ O, Bottoo - you may be thinking it rot - but this a plain truth. I feel
distressed whenever I visualize you along with papa living all alone in a
big house. To speak the truth I never wished to be married. But I did it
because of Papa's perpetual insistence. Now the circumstance Papa is
placed in calls for more care. Last Sunday, Raghav happened to be here. He
told me everything about Papa's ill health. I tried to come but Maa ji…your
Brother-in-law was also on tour those days. Bittoo! Sometimes I do indulge
in thinking of breaking all the bondage and leave this place forever. But
I fail to fulfill this desire, as it will add to papa's grief. ”
For a moment Didi gazed at the door and then spoke in a soft and low tone,
" If at all papa was to marry me off - he should have sought relations
with the people of his own status. He might have thought among the people
who have made their fortune who enjoy abundance of everything. I'll lead a
luxurious life full of comforts without a tinge of worry. But Bittoo, papa
perhaps failed to meditate whether he will come up to their standard and
whenever they made some pressing demands. Will he be able to fill their
ever-widening mouth? Will he be able to put up with their demands. ”
“Bittoo! My darling, ” she continued her talks, “ I am not blaming papa
for all this. I am only trying to draw your attention towards his
incense."
I delved deep in thought while listening to Didi.
“ Bittoo, I know you will be sad to listen all this. I had put up with
everything of this sort in the beginning. But this is not so now. … I
would have put an end to my life long ago but because of your
brother-in-law who is nice natured. … Even now sometime, I am engulfed by
suffocation all around whenever I think - I can't go to papa whenever he
is ill - whenever he needs me." Didi's voice has become moistened with
emotions.
“Let us sit outside," so saying Didi stood up.
I also wished so as the air inside the room has made me uneasy with all
types of feelings.
Maaji was cooking a meal outside. As soon as she caught the presence of
Didi, she stood up, clean her hands with a towel hanging nearby spoke,
“ Bahu! O Bahu ! Take the trouble of cooking the remaining chappaties and
listen - I am going to Bimla's. In the meantime, if your babu ji happens
to come - serve him the meals."
I sank in the chair nearby. On way to Didi's house I had a longing to
indulge in tall talk with Didi. I had made up my mind to open my heart
fully while talking with Didi. But now at present it seemed to me as if
those days were far away from Didi's life. Those moments, memories lagged
far behind her life.
While wearing a smile on my lips I said, " Didi! You have changed
altogether. How do you express your anger now? ”
Didi smiled for a while and turning her lovely face towards me replied, "
Change is a must and I, too, am a subject to it." So saying she was
absorbed in silence.
After a few minutes she broke her silence, " have your meal if you so
like."
“No, not yet. We'll have our meal together."
In a moment, I heard footsteps coming upstairs. My eyes were fixed on the
door. Didi's father-in-law made his appearance. I bowed in reverence.
After asking about my health, he went inside. After having my meals, I
came to Didi's room where she, too, came after a few minutes.
“ When is brother-in-law expected back from office?"
“ At five."
I glanced through the magazines. All my thoughts shattered when I heard
Didi's voice, " Last time I gave you a shirt piece? ”
It seemed to me as if somebody made me fall in a deep valley. In the heart
of heart I was afraid of such an attack and I was not prepared for it at
present.
Soon I gathered my courage and said, " To speak the truth, stitching
charges surpass the piece of cloth these days."
I was fooling myself but there was no alternative.
While talking on such like petty matters, Didi fell asleep and I, too,
turned my face. In the evening when brother-in-law was back from office,
Didi told him about my interview. My brother-in-law threw a meaningful
smile, which I could not digest. Next day, at nine, getting myself ready
after having my breakfast left the house with brother-in-law who dropped
me near bank on his way to office. Many candidates were already there for
interview. My turn came after an hour. I was totally dejected with my
performance.
On my return Didi asked me, " How did you fare at the interview?"
“ Fared well - but will come to know of the result a few days later. ”
“ Many candidates must have been there for the purpose?
“ No, not so many. ”
“ Bittoo my heart says, you'll be selected this time.” I put a long smile
on my face.
“Didi – my train starts at one. I must now make for the railway station
immediately."
“Stay for a day more.”
“No- Papa will keep waiting.”
“O.K.- then go after having meals.”
"I'll be getting late then.”
Didi observed silence, thereafter and catching hold of bag. I bowed before
Maa Ji in reverence. She smiled and addressed me.
"O, dear darling! I have handed over a list of few articles to your Didi.
Kindly arrange to send these through some messenger whose ever happens to
pass this way. ”
I step forward bowing my head in acceptance. Didi came down stairs
following me. I stopped on the adjoining the staircase.
"When will you come now?”
“ I can't say anything about it at present. I’ll inform you whenever I
intend to come. One thing more, keep calling doctor uncle yourself . . .”
I keep silent.
After a few minute, Didi has said, " I have written a few articles on this
piece of paper. Come along these on 15th of next month, the festival of
Karva Chauth.” and with this piece of paper, Didi slipped in my fingers
four currency notes of five hundred rupee each.
“ What is this humbug? ” I was shocked.
“ No, nothing - absolutely nothing.
I wished to refuse bluntly but Didi pressed my fist. I have a great
longing to look back once again but my nerves do not gather courage to do
so. And now, I like to escape from Didi's eyes as early as possible.
– Vikesh Nijhawan
October 6, 2002
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