After putting away his
carry-on baggage in the overhead cabin Raj settled into his window seat.
He looked out of the window of the Air India Boeing aircraft in an
unfocussed gaze. Raj seemed oblivious to the commotion and excitement
among boarding passengers around him. Even the unusual bumpy take off, the
severe air turbulence the plane encountered or the eventual reaching of a
peaceful cruising altitude did not cause even an iota of change in Raj’s
glazed expression. A casual observer could have wrongly surmised that
perhaps Raj was buried in some deep sorrow or worry. But in reality this
couldn’t have been further from the truth. This was a man full of
determination and resolve…of somebody who finally had found the courage to
do what his heart had been telling him for quite some time…. To his
friends who had come to bid him a farewell at JFK airport he had described
this trans-atlantic flight as– “the journey to realize my potential”. Raj
was going back to India for good to re-establish a deep connection with
his roots.
As he now sat gazing through the window, 30,000 feet above the earth’s
surface, he reflected on the last 10 years of his life. He vividly
recalled his arrival to the United States in 1992 to pursue a Masters in
Engineering at NYU, full of dreams and expectations. Like many others, he
wanted to make it BIG in the Promised Land of freedom and opportunity.
This motivated him to excel in academics, eventually landing him with a
fantastic job in the Big Apple. Raj was, quite literally, living the
American dream. He then recalled the moment that changed his life on the
festive Christmas Eve of 1995 when he was sitting, all by himself, in his
apartment, enjoying his 6-pack. He could not say what exactly happened.
Whether it was destiny or alcohol he did not know – all he knew was that
his outlook to life turned unexpectedly and irreversibly in that moment.
It just dawned on him that he had a bigger purpose in life than the one he
was currently living. Before he knew, he had spontaneously gone through a
warp-speed morphing transformation that day. Now, looking back and
realizing the enormity of that momentous change gave him Goosebumps.
After that fateful day in 1995 his vacations and travels had become
journeys to finding himself. His aggressive workaholic passion was
replaced by an almost eerie acceptance of things and life itself. He
searched for a Master or Guru who could guide him in his quest – and in
the process explored many mystical traditions worldwide. Finally as
destiny had planned, he chanced upon his Master – a simple uneducated
humble man living in a village in southeastern part of India. Even though,
culturally, he had not much in common with this Guru, the man’s
simplicity, immensity and unbounded grace had simply humbled Raj. He was
drawn to this man like a druggie to his much-needed fix. He became a
disciple of this Guru, and now that he recalled, it was never a conscious
choice for him. This is what it was meant to be! Strangely, his Guru did
not give him any instruction per se. The only thing Raj’s Guru told him
was to trust in his own inner self, which he would eventually realize is
the real teacher inside, and the rest will take care of itself.
With this instruction as the fresh guiding beacon of living, Raj started
out on an introspective journey of self-exploration. He started to get
absorbed in himself and became more and more distant from the breakneck
speed of the corporate world in New York. His interests shifted to helping
others and finding contentment with what came his way. To help channel the
new-found love he felt for others, he founded a not-for-profit
organization that aimed at helping educate economically under-privileged
children in India. The not-for-profit organization soon gained momentum
and opened over 50 chapters worldwide. He quit his job and started to
manage this not-for-profit organization full time. It was as if the script
of his life was amazingly being changed and re-written instantly in front
of his eyes in almost a fairy-tale fashion.
However, he soon realized that he was not deriving the satisfaction from
his current managerial role in the not-for-profit organization. While he
recognized that fundraising and managing charity were important
activities, he personally did not feel the fulfillment in the role. All
this was too impersonal and he preferred working directly in the field
back in India. He decided that it was time to move to a more active role,
working on grassroots-type projects. It took him two-years of intensive
planning and preparation during which period he trained and finally handed
over the reigns of the not-for-profit organization to a competent
successor, Gwen – one of his close friends and ex-girlfriend from NYU
days.
Having very good planning and management skills, Raj immaculately planned
his return to India. He made three preparatory visits to India to help
identify, define and cast his new role as a grassroots social worker. He
got the funds and approval for his first project in the villages around
the town of Anakapalli, in close proximity of where his Guru also lived.
He got himself a decent office space with a telephone/internet connection,
and hired two bright well-qualified youngsters who would serve as his
assistants. Most importantly he got the blessings from his Guru for
success in this venture that meant so much to him. When his friends and
well-wishers in the US tried to dissuade him from this “crazy” line of
thinking he would simply smile – inside he felt as if he was already
“on-the-job” in the villages in India. Indeed, he knew in his heart that
this was his calling. As he now continued gazing endlessly at the vastness
of the sky and ocean from his window seat of the Air India aircraft, he
felt that this vista in front of his eyes was signifying the unbounded
potential that was waiting for him…He was ready!
One year has now passed since Raj’s return to India. As he sits in his
office – he looks around and smiles at the apparent “lack” of amenities
around him. The ceiling of the room is showing cracks, the telephone works
intermittently and power cuts are a daily ritual. The so-called “Internet”
connection that he had arranged was a pie in the sky – it never really
materialized out from the virtual cyber world. To a westerner these
working conditions would have seemed utterly intolerable. But Raj is quite
at home here. He is a man who did not care for all the “stuff” anymore. He
is exuding an unbelievable aura of contentment and joy. The source of this
wellspring of happiness lies in his inner feeling – the exhilaration that
comes from knowing that you are finally making a difference. In the last
year, Raj has spent countless tireless hours putting together a free
non-formal evening education school program for 30 villages, serving
mainly underprivileged kids. He recruited and trained local teachers, who
could talk, understand and teach in a language that the rural population
understood. His vision and planning bore immediate fruit - the rural
education program had become an instant success, beyond Raj’s wildest
expectations. Given his training in corporate marketing strategies, he
leveraged this budding success to great advantage. The local and,
eventually, national media, bought into what was a truly compelling story
– a foreign educated/trained individual was, against all odds, redefining
the landscape of rural India through sheer grit and determination. Within
days of this story hitting the print media, the national television news
channels came down to Raj’s “campgrounds” to do a feature story. Raj, with
the corporate finesse he had learnt in the US, catapulted himself to fame
almost overnight. And the rest, as they say, was history. As he now sat in
his crummy office, he smiles because he knows that the Federal Government
of India is slated to appoint him to head a commission for administering
non-formal education among youth throughout India. He is finally going to
be in a position to make a BIG difference in lives of many many people.
What more could he have asked for?
Now Raj’s life has leaped forward by another nine years. His gray hair,
balding forehead and wrinkles on the face are telling signs of aging.
After a whirlwind tour of India overseeing many rural empowerment
initiatives, Raj has just flown into Vishakhapatnam, the port city in
Southeastern India. An entourage of secretaries, assistants and members of
the press surround him. He is now a national figure and a close-confidant
of the Prime Minister and Education Minister of India. He heads the Prime
Minister’s commission for rural empowerment and serves as an advisor on
many national and local committees dealing with development of rural
areas. Today he is here to re-visit his old roots from where he had
started - the villages around Anakapalli. The occasion is the celebration
of the tenth anniversary of the non-formal education programs he started
here. Even though he is no longer based in this geographic area, the
program he had initiated itself has taken roots. Last reports showed that,
under the auspices of this program, over 25,000 children in the area had
learnt how to read and write in this ten-year period. As his car pulls
into the village where he had first started his journey into social work a
decade back, he is thrilled to see the festive and celebratory atmosphere.
He could not help but feel elated at his monumental success from those
humble beginnings, in this very short period of ten years.
The anniversary celebration begins with a cultural program in which school
children perform a song-dance ballet that illustrates the importance of
education in lives of the rural people. Following this inspiring
performance, Raj is asked to formally inaugurate an impressive brand-new
community center that will serve as an administrative headquarters and a
focal point for cultural and social interaction among the residents of the
30-villages in the district. After the inauguration Raj comes onto the
stage and gives a short and to-the-point congratulatory speech to all the
workers and organizers for their tireless efforts. He talks about the past
achievements and future plans. Finally, as a courtesy, he asks the
audience if they have any comments or suggestions. Expecting no response
from the audience, Raj starts to wind-down his speech. Just then an old
woman gets up from the audience and interrupts him and says in a measured
tone – “Are you sure you would like to know what the impact of this
program is?” Raj immediately and instinctively responds – “Yes, of
course.” The old woman then tells Raj– “Then come with me; but please
don’t bring all these people with you”. A hushed silence has gripped the
audience and the organizers, as they see Raj coming down from the stage.
By now Raj is convinced that this lady has something valuable to share.
Per the old woman’s invitation, Raj follows her as she walks slowly out of
the arena towards the outskirts of the village. On reaching the outer
limits of the village, she stops, and then sits under a tree. She beckons
Raj to sit next to her.
As she wipes the sweat from her forehead with the sleeves of her blouse,
she begins her narration. My grandson, Raju, lost both his parents to the
deadly plague when he was two. As fate would have it, I had to take on the
role of his caretaker at a very old age. But with my limited means, and
due to infirmities of my age, I was unable to fulfill the role adequately.
I had just hoped that he would somehow be able to pick up a skill or trade
allowing him to earn a livelihood for himself and his family. But then you
came along and I saw an opportunity for my 10-year old grandson to be
educated and actually make something of his life. Raju, therefore, joined
the first batch of students in the school you started ten years back. He
was bright and committed, and picked up the learning material with
relative ease. His hopes and aspirations started to grow with every new
lesson he learnt at school. He started to dream of becoming somebody his
grandmother would be proud of. Last year after finishing school, he told
me that he wanted to go to the city of Delhi to find a worthwhile career
for himself. Even though it was not easy for me to see him go, recognizing
his enthusiasm, I supported his decision and gave him most of my savings
as start-up money. He left and all of a sudden I was all alone. I
channelized my energies in praying to God – to guide him to tread the
right path. He wrote to me a couple of times in the first month of his
reaching Delhi. But after that I never got any news of him – and then as
her face fell she said – not until last week when I got this letter. She
took out a letter that was tucked and folded neatly inside her traditional
Indian dress, and gave it to Raj.
As Raj read the letter the world around him started to spin. He felt
nauseous and sick. The letter was from Raju’s friend informing the
grandmother that Raju, frustrated from the lack of opportunities, had
committed suicide by jumping into the river. This friend ended the letter
by saying – “Dreams become death warrants if there is no way of fulfilling
them”. With tears in his eyes, Raj looked at the old woman. He was
speechless and did not know what to say. After several moments of silence,
the old woman finally broke the silence and spoke – “Raju’s case is not an
exception. Most parents in the village are struggling with these so-called
educated kids as they all want to move out of the village. These
youngsters feel that villages offer no real opportunities for them. With
all the education they have acquired each one of them aspires to go the
cities willing to abandon their families. For what? Only to feel
frustrated and kill themselves? I just wanted you to know the real truth
behind the curtain of pomp and show that was being displayed there. You
asked for suggestions. I don’t have any suggestion or any answers. You are
the intelligent one and I am sure you will find the answers you need. I am
just an uneducated old woman who knows that this is not what should be
happening. Isn’t it?” Saying these words with an air of finality, she got
up and slowly walked away disappearing into the darkness. Raj did not have
the strength to stop her. He was left sitting in a blackhole of
loneliness, guilt, shame and regret. He felt helpless. All of a sudden,
he, the one who had been helping thousands, was the one who needed help
now.
He was shaken out of his stupor by the words of his personal assistant
telling him that it was time to head back to the airport for their flight
back to New Delhi. Speaking incoherently, Raj told his assistant to
disperse the meeting and asked his group to head back to Delhi as per
schedule, while he wanted to stay back here for the night. Knowing that
Raj was in an unstable mental state, the assistant was reluctant to leave
him alone. But when Raj insisted, the assistant reluctantly followed the
orders he had received, while Raj went back into his darkness and gloom.
Raj did not even have the energy to think through this situation. He was
at a loss of direction and needed to go to somebody who could help him. He
finally got up and started to walk along the dirt-road going away from the
village into the forest. After walking for over one hour, he finally could
see the lamp burning in the hut that stood all by itself in the middle of
the jungle – where his Guru lived. He stumbled to the door of his Guru’s
hut. The Guru was sleeping and woke up from the sound of the footsteps,
which sounded loud in the backdrop of the deep forest silence. The Guru
did not seem surprised to see Raj and welcomed him with loving and tender
warmth. As he sat to drink some water, the Guru looked at Raj lovingly,
making Raj simply break down. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he began
narrating all the happenings. He finally ended by asking the Guru, “What
did I do wrong? Am I the one who caused this? Why? Why? Why?” The Guru did
not utter a single word all this time. When Raj was finally done, the Guru
simply got up and laid down a mat on the floor next to his own mat. He put
a pillow and blanket and said, “You have had a long day. Sleep now. Let’s
worry about all this tomorrow”. Hearing these words, Raj realized how
tired he was. For the moment he forgot all his worries, and collapsed onto
the mat slipping into the temporary comfort of slumber.
The next morning as soon as Raj got up he remembered the nightmarish
experience of the previous day. Unlike a bad dream that disappears on
waking up, the reality of what had happened continued to haunt him. He
felt depressed and dejected. The Guru made an appearance at this juncture
and gave Raj a bucket, a fresh set of clothes and asked him to go to the
well for his morning ablutions. Raj obediently followed the instructions
and when he came back he found his Guru was ready to serve brunch. They
both sat down and got intensely engrossed in the extraordinarily delicious
meal the Guru had conjured. It was only after they had finished eating
that Raj again looked expectantly at his Guru for an answer to his
dilemma. The Guru kept quiet and remained silent with his eyes closed.
Then he spoke softly “I don’t know the answer to your questions. You will
find your own answers and those alone will be the right answers.” Pointing
at a huge, majestic tree that stood a few 1000 feet away from the hut, the
Guru said – “Whenever I have struggled with any problems, I have found
going in the presence of that tree a great help. Perhaps you can try the
same?” Raj was taken aback by his Guru’s strange suggestion but coaxed
himself out of his initial feeling of skepticism. Trusting his Guru, he
decided to give it a try anyway.
For the next several days he would go and sit under the tree for hours,
expecting to have a flash of realization or hear a miraculous voice
pronouncing words of wisdom. But nothing like that happened. When even
after a week nothing at all happened he came back to his Guru and
complained to him on the futility of the exercise. The Guru smilingly
replied, “Go back and build a small hut near the tree. Spend time being in
its presence. Just be there without any expectation. This may take time
and don’t expect it to happen overnight.” Raj immediately retorted in an
incredulous tone, “For how long should I do this?” The Guru laughed loudly
and replied, “As long as it takes. You will know. Anyway lets talk about
this after a year”. Raj, in no hurry to leave the sanctuary of his Guru
and reluctant to return to his work responsibilities that had brought him
so much misery, decided to continue on the path suggested by his Guru.
Over a year has passed since the above conversation between Raj and his
Guru. In this period, Raj has minimal contact with his Guru even though
they have been living so close to each other. One day, the Guru decides
that it was time to go and check up on Raj. He finds Raj sitting outside
his hut gazing timelessly at the sky. There is an aura of deep silence
exuding from Raj. After sitting in the presence of each other for sometime
the Guru asks Raj, “Have you found your answers?” Raj is unable to reply
as he has simply lost all interest in speaking. He finally mutters in a
hard-to-discern low voice, “I am unable to even think of the questions
anymore. The answers are therefore not even relevant”. The Guru prods him
a bit more and asks, “Did the tree give you any instructions or teachings?
What have you learnt from it?” Raj smiles and replies, “This tree has no
instruction to give nor any teachings to teach. It just knows how to be
itself”. The Guru is now intrigued by this reply and asks Raj to explain
it further.
Raj continues, “I saw that the tree gives valuable shade in the summer
heat. Under its shade I saw all kinds of people and animals resting. I saw
on occasions a merchant, a saint, a robber, and bandits, all coming to
rest under it. The bandits sat in the shade and split their loot, the
merchant used it to plan his business and the saint used it to meditate.
When they were done with their ordained tasks and felt rested and renewed,
they all left. But the shade of the tree continued to be still there even
after they left. The tree never said that I will give shade only to the
saint and not to the bandits. Nor did it stop giving shade when nobody was
there. The tree never went looking for people to come and take advantage
of its presence. Nor did it try to keep them from coming or going away. It
just remained as it is – being itself all along. Giving shade is its very
nature and it has absolutely nothing to do with who uses, misuses or never
uses it. And when the time came for the tree to shed its leaves, it did so
with no remorse. It did not feel dejected that it was offering no shade or
it never complained that it was not living its full potential. And when
the conditions became conducive again it sprouted a fresh set of leaves”.
“In the season when it flowered I saw the beauty of lovemaking and its
accompanying fragrance. It was not an act of darkness but of radiance. I
saw that even the insects and many organisms rejuvenated from this
overflowing bliss.” And when the fruits came, they brought fullness and
completeness. The branches loaded with the fruits, bowed down in humility
allowing the animals and passersby to reach the fruits more easily.
Sometimes, I saw kids throwing stones at the tree to get the fruits.
Despite this hurtful act of the kids, the tree rewarded them by showering
them with its most valuable fruits, for them to enjoy. And when the time
came for the tree to let go of its seeds, it tried to throw them as far as
possible. I realized that it did it as a supreme act of sacrifice to
ensure that the seeds would not be stunted growing in its own shade.
“The tree took all the harmful gases from the atmosphere and transformed
it, renewing the whole world with invaluable supplies of fresh air and
food. I also saw that what was in the form of the tree above the ground
was only a small fraction of its true/complete existence. Finally I found
that its roots lay in the depth and in its ability to be always anchored.
As its anchoring got stronger and deeper, none of the storms happening on
the surface seemed to have a major impact on it. The peace that the tree
pours out comes from its depths – something that remains beautifully
hidden from the outer world altogether.
Raj paused and continued, “Having said all this, the things I just told is
NOT what makes the tree so great. In fact, it would be incorrect to think
of the tree as a marvel of knowledge or a treasure- house of teachings.
Its real essence is something that permeates anybody who comes in its
presence. It happens automatically, effortlessly, and with miraculous
ease. Even the tree itself doesn’t know about it. That has to be
experienced directly by anybody, and cannot really be described in words”.
The Guru, who had been listening intently to Raj’s words, finally said,
“My most beloved child, you have indeed uncovered life’s very essence.
Life and living is not in what you do, but in how you be. Only in Being
yourself you offer the greatest help to life. It is when you stop helping
do you truly become help-ful – A help that comes, not from imperfection of
doing, but from the fullness of being. Be that….”
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After putting away his
carry-on baggage in the overhead cabin Raj settled into his window seat.
He looked out of the window of the Air India Boeing aircraft in an
unfocussed gaze. Raj seemed oblivious to the commotion and excitement
among boarding passengers around him. Even the unusual bumpy take off, the
severe air turbulence the plane encountered or the eventual reaching of a
peaceful cruising altitude did not cause even an iota of change in Raj’s
glazed expression. A casual observer could have wrongly surmised that
perhaps Raj was buried in some deep sorrow or worry. But in reality this
couldn’t have been further from the truth. This was a man full of
determination and resolve…of somebody who finally had found the courage to
do what his heart had been telling him for quite some time…. To his
friends who had come to bid him a farewell at JFK airport he had described
this trans-atlantic flight as– “the journey to realize my potential”. Raj
was going back to India for good to re-establish a deep connection with
his roots.