The old headlines said Rome burns and Nero fiddles, but Nero though heartless, at least had the talent to play the fiddle. Manmohan whose only repertoire is to dance at the tune of Sonia, cannot even fiddle on his own, so he fiddled by playing musical chairs with cabinet portfolios to match his own incompetence.

Between seething with anger, boiling with rage and tearing my hair like any meditating good Brahmin, I punched the redial button on my cell phone to get the real lowdown from the chief of my National Security Agency, whose code name is God. He owns a number of throwaway phones, many identities and is on the job training, like Obama and Singh. To my surprise, I received no reply from him on the phone or by our usual steganographic communications. Both of us had read Simon Singh’s book on secret codes, but since God did his primary schooling in America, his reading skills are below his chronological age. He gave up reading at the point where he learned that urine can be used for writing invisibly. He, like me also, is computer challenged and internet illiterate. You cannot teach an old dog or even expect an old bitch, to do new tricks.

What I am revealing below, is top secret, but I have mailed hard disc copies of it all to sundry American newspapers but they like other prominent ones will only print all the news, only if it has been hacked, for a price, or if it is from their advertisers, as per the new FCC guidelines mandated by some fellow called Hovel or something like that. Anyway the US postal service has guaranteed delivery in case of my death, so my secret will not accompany me to the grave and the truth, unlike Republican and Democrats’ hidden agenda will out. Now that they want to cut my medicare and social security, all I can afford is food stamps and the private courier companies won’t take and deliver a letter with just food stamps on it. It was a set of fortuitous circumstances, which allows you to get to the bottom of this mess and I expect you readers not to betray me and must take an oath like the ISI and Pakistani government to renounce all terrorism.

My red telephone rang at 3.00 am and since my Hilary Clinton answering service was on her foreign jaunts, I picked up the phone half groggy. I heard a hoarse whisper and for a moment thought it was the Chinese debt collection agency dunning me again.

I irritably asked,”What is it now, Not-an-yahoo”?

“No, no”, the whisper said, “it is God.

“Where the hell have you been? You don’t answer your phone and I have received no letters from you. I am pissed off, when you don’t send piss signals”.

God said,” I just escaped from Bagram prison in Kabul, thanks to the Taliban. I was being held in solitary confinement, chained and in diapers. I am lucky they didn’t nail me to the cross, because I have sworn like the Jewish Defense League, Never Again. Poor Bradley Manning is still there and they took away his diapers too.”

I said, “Why didn’t you write to me in invisible ink using your urine like the Mossad, CIA, RAW and I have taught you”.

God said, “They were water hoarding me and I was sweating so much from the legal torture, that there was no urine left in me except to offer some to any Indian prime minister practicing his Dharma.

God – All this began some time back when the Chinese Sovereign Fund took over Canadian pharmacies and their web-sites and cornered the market on cheap Viagra. Apparently rumor has it that both Obama and Manmohan Singh were hooked on it to stiffen their spine, not for recreational use, and the lack of it has made them knuckle under to the Republicans and Pakistan respectively. This is why Obama is desperately trying to expand the debt limit and his idea of solving the Greek problem is to transfer Petraeus to head the CIA, solving the Italian problem by transferring Panetta to head the Defense department and the Irish problem by acknowledging his Irish roots while his wife pumps up the African American vote by visiting Mandela, the living black shrine. He is willing to cut Social Security to beef up his campaign chest from donations by fat cats. Manmohan Singh is buying expensive transport aircraft, hoping they will come with a cargo of the elixir and make him able to stand up like a man, to bullying by sundry villains. Their only other alternative is to get a spine transplant, but that is both expensive, experimental and unapproved for the elderly and disabled with government insurance. 

I immediately realized that God, like the US intelligence community was not a product of intelligent design, logical function, realpolitik,, reasoned analysis and thoughtful strategy, and I was on my own and up a creek. So I started reading the works of John Mearsheimer, Stephen Walt, Robert Pape, Michael Scheuer.

The co-ordinated attacks at three separate places in Mumbai suggested an organized terrorist group with planning, logistics and finance. Either they were Pakistani terrorists, sleeper domestic cells like the Indian Mujahedin or a highly unlikely Hindu extremist group trying to sabotage any talks between India and Pakistan. The last is the epitome of conspiracy theorists even more deluded than those who claim the US government planned and carried out 9-11. There is no way that the Indian nation is going to accept the total idiocy and capitulation, which Manmohan Singh is willing to do, by having open borders and joint control with Pakistan over Kashmir. There are many other equally foolish writers, pundits and politicians in India and the US who tirelessly keep harping on a South Asian common market, union and currency who are also deprived of their anti-psychotic medications, not because of the donut hole in their Medicare Part D, but a bigger hole in their heads.

If the perpetrators are Pakistani groups like Lashkar-e-Taiba, then capitulating to their blackmail by giving in to their demands and having open borders, will only make the terrorist problem worse. If the miscreants are domestic discontents belonging to the Muslim community, it only shows how well organized, funded and dangerous they are. They are only increasing the antipathy towards Muslim citizens of India by tarnishing the whole community with traitorous treason and worsening their economic deprivations, to fuel further discontent and the threat of future partitions.

Similar problems have led to the election of xenophobic anti-Muslim parties in France, Netherlands, Denmark and even Sweden, with some Draconian immigration and asylum laws. It will lead to problems and solutions like the ones in Gujarat and just like foolish fork tongued America, with its proclamation of peaceful Islam, while attacking Islamic countries and treating Muslims with prejudice, will become the covert policy of all nations with Muslim minorities. The terrorists, if they are Indian citizens have the same desire as anarchists in Europe and America, a hundred years ago, which is to destroy civil society. 

They just like Indian leaders, corporate capitalists, evolutionary automatons and religious fanatics are unconcerned about social responsibility, externalities, public good or welfare of fellow beleivers and will pursue ideological jihad, selfish survival, personal enrichment, power lust and intimidation by terror, to the last drop of everyone else's blood or until Rapture, Allah’s chariot pick up time or assassination by special forces by stealth.