God Bless America
Ends and Means
Cat Nap
Udta Punjabi
Farcical Melodrama
Kafkaesque
Pick and Choose

God Bless America

Now that of all the people in the world, my favorite cine personality Michael Moore – remember his controversial movie Fahrenheit 9/11– has thrown his lot in favor of (who else?) Donald Trump, I, who used to be a dyed–in–the–wool Democrat, now unreservedly extend my endorsement of his candidature. So get ready to greet Donald Trump as the next President of the United States of America. Come to think of it there are indeed real good reasons for the Republican nominee to move into the Oval office on January 20, 2017.

I can well imagine you laugh in your sleeves at my support of an extreme right winger. However, I really believe this “wretched, ignorant, dangerous part–time clown and full time sociopath” should be the American people’s choice to succeed Barack Obama. Of course, Trump has offended innumerable voters with his sexist, racist and communal stances. And yet, as Moore predicts Trump will soon be addressed as Mr. President simply because he has the most amount of crazy fans, who are willing to stand in lines to vote for his presidency while Hillary Clinton’s supporters dither.

If you don’t agree with me and have some reservations, tell me “Which candidate has the most rabid supporters? Whose crazed fans are going to be up at 5 am on Election Day, kicking ass all day long, all the way until the last polling place has closed, making absolutely sure that every Tom, Dick and Harry (and Mary, Anne, Jane and Jessie) has cast his and her ballot?”

And don’t you forget, dear readers; America’s biggest problem isn’t Trump. It’s Hillary. She is hugely unpopular – nearly 70 percent of all voters think she is untrustworthy and, when it suits her, dishonest. She represents the good old way of politics like her dear husband, not really believing in anything other than what can get her elected. Above all, there is a significant voter base who is uncomfortable with the prospect of a woman in the Oval office. Look at the mess Theresa May is making across the pond, called the Atlantic. She wants to stay in the European Union and stay out of it at the same time. Above all, how can the Angry White Man acquiesce into reconciling with a woman President whom no one is sure what to call – Mrs. President, Ms. President or Madame President?

Remember, also, the American penchant for doing unconventional things. That’s what makes the real difference.

Back in the 1990s didn’t the people of Minnesota elect a professional wrestler as their governor? They didn’t do this because they’re stupid or thought that Jesse Ventura was some sort of statesman or political intellectual or deliverer of promises. They did so just because they wanted to vent the anger that so many felt towards a broken political system that refused to work anymore. Similarly, Americans want to elect Trump just to upset the apple cart, just to make mom and dad mad.

The last time they chose a Hollywood B–grade movie actor, things did work. In fact, pretty well. Ronald Reagan didn’t turn out to be a complete disappointment. Was he? Also, remember the professional bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger who served two terms as Governor of California and still the state survives.

And most of all, Americans want to prove to the world at large that they can do anything – almost anything, as they say: detonate an atom bomb when the world war had more or less ended, land a human on the surface of the moon, win more Nobel prizes than any other country, make better asses of themselves than their English cousins and – lo and behold – send Donald Trump to the White House and, if necessary, repent thereafter.

The faithful who attended the Cleveland convention tell us Donald Trump’s apocalyptic acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention was easily the scariest political event Americans have seen of late. But that perhaps was necessary to grab the nomination. The occasion demanded some melodrama. So he warned of 180,000 illegal immigrants “tonight roaming free to threaten peaceful citizens” and of more “being released by the tens of thousands into our communities with no regard for the impact on public safety.”

Do remember the thing about this tactic is that it captures the zeitgeist of white America. And come November, that’s going to matter.

Ends and Means

The desire to get rich is understandable. All of us must have been its victims at some stage of life, or the other in our lives. More importantly, the question is how? The one person I can think of who knew the answer – I meant the right answer –was of course Dhirubhai Ambani. He, alas, is not around to tell us. And even if he was, he won’t tell the real secret to you and me. He must have whispered that well–guarded mantra in his son Mukesh’s ears, who of course will share it only with his children when the time comes for them to inherit his business empire.

So, the only person we can turn to – yes, you’ve half guessed it – is the motor mouth Republican nominee for the forthcoming American presidential jamboree. Above all, he wasn’t born rich. He's 100 % self–made multi–billionaire. So his means to get rich must be outrageously different from what you and I can guess. There must be hundreds of people he walked over on his way to his coveted billions.

His first venture in New York, when he bought the Commodore Hotel, was to convince the city councils to give him an unprecedented 40 year tax break. That’s right: 40 years without paying taxes. That’s the way even Dhirubhai couldn’t conjure up. And if you think that was a clean deal, then the moon might as well be made of green cheese. So, the secret is sully your hands, don’t mind the dirt that you’ve to wade through. Once you’ve made your millions there’s time to spare to clean your hands with the best of detergents.

Cat Nap

Rahul Gandhi has to work hard – very, very hard indeed. He has set himself literally the Herculean task of cleaning the Augean stables of the Congress Party. So, he has literally to work day and night. Doesn’t he ever get tired? Well, he does but a few minutes rest here and there is just enough to recharge his batteries.

And the best place he thinks he can rest a bit undisturbed by that pestilence called the fourth estate is the Parliament House. No wonder after being up the whole night working on the blueprint to rejuvenate the youth of India he had a wink or two in Parliament. Lo and behold a photographer caught him snoozing amidst a sleep–inducing dull debate. And it was splashed in newspapers the next day. Isn’t that a case of unpardonable intrusion in his privacy? Isn’t he entitled to a catnap whenever he can snatch in his otherwise formidably hectic schedule?

My caption “catnap” may lead you to wonder, just how long are cats supposed to sleep? I learn from experts who know these things, most cats snooze around 16 hours per day. However, cats tend to sleep lightly, without going into what’s called deep sleep. And that’s what the Congress Vice President does.

Udta Punjabi

Sherry is Navjot Singh Sidhu’s pet name. Sherry, as the connoisseurs will tell you, is a special fortified wine from Spain. Sidhu too is no ordinary politician. The nominated Rajya Sabha cherry was not enough for him to be kept bound to the comedy shows, putting on his unfailing bursts of laughter. He has well–cultivated tastes for better things. So Sidhu along with his namesake minister wife chose to quit for seemingly greener pastures, namely, to be put up as the AAP’s Chief Minister designate for the 2017 Punjab Assembly elections.

This time Amit Shah was caught on the wrong foot. He was entirely wrong in his calculations. Kejriwal is decisively one up. Sidhu was nursing a grudge for being asked to vacate his Amritsar Lok Sabha seat for Arun Jaitley’s abortive bid to enter Lok Sabha.

Kejriwal will find in Sidhu – a Jat Sikh – an ideal face to project as CM in the Punjab. That the AAP supremo may not find “Udta Punjabi” as amenable a follower as he would like him to be, is another story for another day.

Farcical Melodrama

Race Corse Road in New Delhi is miles away from Civil Lines in old Delhi. This geographical fact isn’t acceptable to Arvid Kejriwal who thinks the Chief Ministership of Delhi is a stepping stone to Prime Ministership of India. If that was so, Sheila Dixit won’t have been cooling her heels in Delhi after being Delhi Chief Minister for three terms.

In his hugely advertised #TalktoAK he says that relations between his Delhi government and Modi government at the Centre were like “India–Pakistan situation.” He just stopped short of specifying what position he had in this confrontational relationship. Well you can guess what he means who called Modi a “psychopath” and “coward” who has committed a fraud on the nation by acquiring fake and forged graduation and post–graduation degrees. Now these are the kind of accusations even Pakistan does not make against Modi.

The real problem with Kejriwal is that he wants to run city government by his whims and fancies without ever thinking that the governments are run within set Constitutional and legal frameworks. Most importantly, he refuses to accept that the powers of the government in a Union Territory are very restricted.

Therefore only if he had obtained a prior nod from the Centre to the Bills he intended to pass, as is required under the existing law for National Capital Territory of Delhi, the 14 bills passed by Delhi assembly wouldn’t have met the fate they have. And that’s Kejriwal's major grouse. As a shrewd operator he knew all this before he assumed power in Delhi but his idea is to create news – by playing the roles of both a hero and a victim. Kejriwal has made claims that he is the sole challenger of Narendra Modi with the guts to fight the might of Centre and everyone else.

The blunt truth is that Kejriwal is itching to be dismissed by the Centre to make a national hero of him while the Centre is keen on letting him hoist by his own petard. Meanwhile, the citizens of Delhi can view a free political circus show with an excellent joker all for free.

We should look forward to the forthcoming acts of the drama. Kejriwal has fingers in all of 2017 forthcoming electoral pies. AAP will contest elections in the Punjab, Goa and Gujarat. So do look forward, Delhiites, to your Chief Minister being simultaneously heading the governments of another few states as well. Isn’t it like the circus joker riding, amidst the full–throated applause of spectators, half a dozen horses simultaneously?

Kafkaesque

Here’s a word that highbrow intellectuals love to use. “That’s so Kafkaesque,” we say, and feel a little smarter for it – a cut above the ordinary folks. But what does the word really mean?

Franz Kafka (1883–1924), is best known for his works The Metamorphosis and The Trial, completed his education for a legal career and took a job at an insurance company. It is here that he worked for 12 years while writing through nights, and weekends.

The complexity, profundity and surrealism of his works led to the coinage of the term Kafkaesque, which is used to describe something that is exceedingly complex, bizarre and frustrating, and is often used in the context of bureaucracy. The best example of Kafkaesque would be a file moving from one desk to the other over several years and yet no decision being taken.

Pick and Choose

Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?
Because all his other wives support Hillary.

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?
By renaming it as Trump University.

What’s the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?
Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.

If Donald Trump loses the election, he doesn’t need a concession speech, just a walk of atonement.

Donald Trump is a builder, he’s going to use the vast resources of the United States government to build a wall to protect our citizens, build a strong middle class, and most importantly build a machine to cure male pattern baldness.