Economic Independence and Fractured Relationships

Has Modernity Killed the Sacred Bond of Marriage?

A few decades ago, marriage in India was an unshakable institution, a lifelong commitment that stood the test of time. Divorce was almost unheard of. Couples remained together not just for a few years, but for a lifetime — bound by duty, respect, and a clear division of responsibilities.

Today, however, the landscape has changed dramatically. Marriages are disintegrating faster than ever, with many couples unable to sustain even two years of togetherness. The rise of economic independence, shifting gender roles, and increasing societal expectations have created a complex web of conflicts, making modern marriages more fragile than ever.

Has progress come at the cost of stability? Have we traded lifelong companionship for temporary compatibility? Are we truly happier in this modern system, or have we lost something invaluable along the way?

The Stability of the Traditional Marriage System

For centuries, Indian marriages were built on a well-defined structure. The husband was the provider, working tirelessly to ensure financial security, while the wife took care of the home, children, and the emotional well-being of the family. There was clarity, a division of labor that prevented unnecessary conflict. The roles were complementary rather than competitive.

This system led to stable families where men and women thrived in their respective domains without stepping into each other's territories. Household responsibilities did not clash with career ambitions, and marital stress was minimal. It was not about inequality — it was about harmony, where each partner played a crucial, irreplaceable role.

Consider the legendary relationship of J.R.D. Tata and Thelma Tata. J.R.D., one of India’s greatest industrialists, was able to focus on building Tata Group into a powerhouse because he had a strong support system at home. Thelma ensured that their personal life was peaceful, providing J.R.D. the emotional stability needed to make groundbreaking business decisions. Their marriage lasted for more than 50 years — a testament to the success of the traditional marriage framework.

The Rise of Economic Independence & The Breakdown of Marriages

With the advent of economic independence, both men and women now actively pursue demanding careers, leading to increasing clashes in expectations and responsibilities. While financial empowerment has given women autonomy, it has also introduced new conflicts that never existed in traditional marriages.

1. Role Confusion & Work-Life Conflict

When both spouses work, the clear division of responsibilities disappears. A husband expects his wife to contribute financially, but at the same time, a wife expects her husband to contribute equally to household chores. This often leads to resentment, as both partners feel overburdened and unappreciated.

Example: In Bollywood, Aamir Khan & Kiran Rao, despite being two highly intelligent individuals, divorced after 15 years of marriage. Their busy schedules, differing priorities, and inability to spend quality time together created a rift that ultimately led to separation.

2. Unrealistic Societal Expectations

Social media and Western influences have created unrealistic expectations of marriage. The idea that a spouse should be both a financial partner and an emotional caretaker, a career achiever and a homemaker, a romantic lover and a best friend, is idealistic but impractical. No single individual can fulfill all these roles perfectly.

Example: Sania Mirza & Shoaib Malik, despite being from different cultural backgrounds, tried to balance their global sports careers with their personal lives. However, the pressures of maintaining a marriage while constantly traveling and managing professional commitments proved too difficult.

3. Financial Independence Leading to Emotional Independence

Traditionally, marriage provided economic security, which naturally fostered emotional bonding. But today, financial independence has changed the equation. Many financially successful women feel they don’t need a man for security, and many successful men feel they don’t need to compromise because they have other options.

Example: Dhanush & Aishwaryaa Rajinikanth, despite coming from a well-established family, parted ways after 18 years of marriage. Their financial security meant they didn’t have to "make it work" like older generations did.

How To Make Marriages Last Longer in The Age of Instant Gratification

Despite these challenges, marriage is still one of the most fulfilling relationships when nurtured properly. Here’s how couples can build lasting relationships in the modern era:

1. Prioritize Communication Over Assumption
   
   Many modern couples assume their partner understands their struggles. In reality, open dialogue is essential. Discuss expectations regarding finances, chores, and emotional needs rather than assuming things will naturally fall into place.
    
2. Redefine Success in Marriage
   
   Instead of focusing on who earns more or who does more, redefine marriage as a partnership of shared goals. Success in marriage is not about financial achievements alone — it is about emotional stability, companionship, and mutual support.
    
3. Embrace Compromise, Not Competition
   
   Marriage is not a business transaction where each person must contribute equally at all times. Some days, one partner may give more; other days, the roles may reverse. Understanding that compromise is strength, not weakness, is key.
    
4. Disconnect to Reconnect
   
   With technology ruling our lives, couples often find themselves spending more time on screens than with each other. Schedule tech-free time to focus on real conversations, shared activities, and undistracted companionship.
    
5. Respect Personal Space
   
   Unlike in the past, where couples were expected to be together at all times, modern relationships need a balance between togetherness and personal space. Encourage individual growth while staying committed to shared values.

Marriages that Stood the Test of Time

Despite the changing times, some marriages have lasted for decades, proving that commitment and mutual respect are still the foundation of a successful marriage.

• Ratan Tata & his lifelong commitment to Tata Group (though he never married, his devotion to his company reflects a sense of duty similar to a strong marriage).
   
• Amitabh Bachchan & Jaya Bachchan (married since 1973) navigated personal and professional ups and downs but chose to stay together despite challenges.
   
• Narayan Murthy & Sudha Murthy, a perfect example of balancing work and marriage, with Sudha sacrificing her ambitions for Narayan Murthy’s success, only to later establish herself as a literary and philanthropic icon.
   
• Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw & John Shaw had a marriage built on mutual respect and shared vision. Kiran, India's biotechnology pioneer and chairperson of Biocon, found unwavering support in her husband John, a former vice chairman of Biocon. Together, they navigated the challenges of building a biotech empire while maintaining a strong personal bond. Their marriage was not just a partnership in life but also in business, proving that when two individuals align their goals and values, success follows in both professional and personal spheres.

These enduring marriages showcase that understanding, respect, and shared purpose are the cornerstones of a lasting relationship, even in an era of shifting societal dynamics.

Are We Trading Love for Convenience?

The question remains: Are we prioritizing independence at the cost of love? Are we making our marriages disposable, simply because we have other options?

India’s rising divorce rates are a wake-up call. Marriages aren’t failing because people are bad partners — they are failing because people are unwilling to adapt, compromise, and redefine success together.

Perhaps, the wisdom of past generations still holds a lesson for us: Love is not about who contributes more, but who stays when it’s hard. Commitment is not about having options, but choosing the same person, again and again, despite them.

In a world of instant gratification, the true test of love is patience, endurance, and the willingness to weather the storms together.

The real question is: Will we reclaim the lost art of commitment, or will we continue to replace love with convenience?

Image (c) istock.com