Perspective

The Price of Independence

Why ‘Togetherness’ is The ‘Real Wealth’

  • As financial self-reliance grows, families shrink. But must ‘independence’ come at the cost of ‘connection’?
  • Why do we equate ‘success’ with ‘separation’?
  • Why is ‘solitude’ now considered ‘strength’?
  • Why do we ‘work harder’ to ‘live apart’ from those who once shared our world, our walls, and our warmth?

We live in an era where financial independence is rightly celebrated. Women today are engineers, entrepreneurs, and executives. Young professionals proudly support themselves. Elders plan second innings post-retirement. Indeed, autonomy is empowering. But in our relentless pursuit of “freedom,” have we sacrificed the very fabric that held us together — our families?

This isn’t an argument against progress. It is an invitation to ask: When did independence start isolating us?

From One Fan to Five: The Economics of Togetherness

Let’s rewind a few decades.

In a traditional Indian household, five family members — grandparents, parents, and children — slept under the same ceiling fan. It wasn’t just frugality; it was bonding. Today, five family members may live in five different rooms — or cities — with five different ceiling fans consuming five times the power. Result? Ballooning electricity bills. Separate TV sets. Separate AC units. And often, separate lives.

Ironically, as each of us earns more, we end up spending more on living alone. The financial independence that once promised peace often demands productivity just to stay afloat.

Mosquitoes & The Metaphor of Modern Living

Consider the humble mosquito coil. A decade ago, one coil or liquid dispenser would suffice for the whole room — often shared by the entire family. Today, individual rooms mean individual dispensers. And that small cost, multiplied by millions of households, becomes symbolic of our fragmented lives — more gadgets, more expenses, less togetherness.

From One Breakfast Table to Five Breakfast Orders

Remember when breakfast was idli for all or poha for everyone? One stove, one vessel, one act of love. Now, it's wheat toast for dad, oats for mom, cereal for the teenager, smoothie for the gym-goer, and paratha for grandma. Food diversity is delightful — but the time, effort, and stress borne mostly by one person (often the woman of the house) is immense. And when expectations multiply, disappointment follows.

The Financial Burden of ‘Isolation’

In the name of privacy, we’ve become tenants of loneliness. When families lived under one roof, support systems were built-in — be it childcare, eldercare, or even emotional care. Now, each task requires external outsourcing: babysitters, nurses, therapists. And with these rising expenses, couples are left with no choice but to both work. This isn't inherently wrong — but it creates a loop: the cost of separation demands dual incomes, and dual incomes further drive separation.

This vicious cycle is draining us not just of money, but meaning.

Independence That ‘Unites’, Not ‘Divides’

Let’s be clear: financial independence is not the villain. It’s a vital pillar of dignity, especially for women who were historically denied autonomy. But independence must not become isolation. The goal should be interdependence — where we’re capable of standing alone, yet choose to stand together.

What if independence meant having the ‘ability to leave’ but the ‘love to stay’?

What if privacy coexisted with proximity?

Real-World Reflections: Lessons from Life

  • Ratan Tata, one of India’s most respected industrialists, lived alone but often spoke about the emptiness of success without companionship. In interviews, he emphasized how his values were shaped by growing up in a joint family.
     
  • Amitabh & Jaya Bachchan have navigated public life, professional highs and lows, and personal storms for over 50 years. Their enduring bond wasn’t without conflict, but commitment to family prevailed.
     
  • In rural India, especially among agrarian communities, families still live together, share meals, raise children collectively — and despite limited means, studies show these families report higher life satisfaction compared to urban nuclear households.

What Can We Do? Practical Ways to Reclaim Togetherness

  • Redefine Space, Not Relationships: Even in modern homes, create shared zones — common meals, family movie nights, or just evening walks.
     
  • Practice Financial Transparency: Shared budgets, savings goals, and joint decisions build mutual trust — even in financially independent relationships.
     
  • Celebrate Roles Without Conflict: Working women shouldn’t be judged for not cooking, nor should homemakers feel inferior. Acknowledging and respecting every role in a household sustains harmony.
     
  • Plan Together, Dream Together: Independence is about choice. Let your choices not distance, but deepen your ties.

Are We Building ‘Homes’ or Just ‘Houses’?

Must every ambition take us farther from those we love?

Are we designing success stories at the cost of support systems?

Is the pursuit of privacy turning us into prisoners of solitude?

It's time to ask: Can independence coexist with intimacy? Can we build a future that empowers each of us, without dismantling the collective strength of “us”?

Let financial freedom be the foundation — not the finish line — of a more connected, compassionate society.

Image (c) istock.com

05-Apr-2025

More by :  P. Mohan Chandran


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