Forgive and Forget :-)

The writer says that

It sounds so simple, right, and light.

But in her opinion

"Forgive and forget" can be the worst advice.

Why?

Here's why....

Because

It's invalidating. Human brains cannot voluntarily forget. Maybe we can learn to blunt or blur terrible memories, but, try as we might, they cannot be erased. Telling someone to forget is like telling them to fly.

It's triggering. Those who were traumatized behind facades of apparent normalcy, luxury, and/or love often feel paralytic guilt even for thinking thoughts that seem disloyal or ungrateful.

It's often a trick. Forgiveness is typically framed as a wholesome, holy healing strategy that liberates forgivers as much as it does the forgiven. But sensitive hearers can discern when "Forgive and forget" not-so-secretly means: "I'm sick of your issues and of hearing you talk about your trauma. I'm out of patience. Get over it. Grow up. Shut up."

It's disempowering. Trauma survivors often struggle to feel anything at all. For those who have struggled hard to finally name and aim their rage and pain, such emotions are sources of strength, like electrical currents linking long-silent stations. For them, the prospect of forgiveness threatens to devalue this sense of victory, reality, and emerging identity.

It's judgmental. As if "Forgive and Forget" is the only good choice and its deliverer will condemn as cold, cruel, stubborn, stupid, selfish, or otherwise bad whoever is unwilling or unable to comply. Thus, it's just another command in a life that's been crushed by commands.

It's not required. Yes, some abusers meant no harm, and many were themselves abused. Does that exonerate them? They made choices. So can we. Forgiveness is neither an essential requirement nor a prerequisite for progress, happiness, recovery, and/or accomplishment. Sometimes the exact opposite is true. Perhaps unforgiveness is the gift one gives oneself.

Well, this is just the gist of what all she says....If you want to know more about what all she says regarding 'Forgive and Forget', you need to click here

10 Reasons Why You Need Not Forgive or Forget

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stuck/202008/10-reasons-why-you-need-not-forgive-or-forget

I found this article very intriguing and interesting as it reflects her 'out of the box' thinking, a very unique perspective on the age-old adage of Forgive and Forget.

She's an award-winning journalist and an author of many books. Her name is S. Rufus

That's all my sharing for now.

Cheers
Aparna