The views of Carl Jung have always given me strength and insight. I have been lucky to get introduced to the master right in my graduation. At every stage in life and for every phase, Jung has convincing solutions. Here I want to take just a slice out his big cake and elaborate it as per my inclination.

Every human has a shadow, a darker side. By darker side, we mean those emotions which society does not accept easily. Our desires, urges, dreams, hungers, cravings, fantasies and fears are often buried. We do not live them, nor do we express them because of social fear and reprimand.

Carl Jung has said that the aim of human life ought to be to integrate the shadow into our personality. When we realize our darker side, we realize our full potential. A given society or family, or community is never perfect and yet we kill ourselves in parts in order to conform to the practices of that society, family or community. When we repress dark side, the positive side is also killed in equal parts because both are related. Our stronger urges, competitiveness pose threat to others and so they condemn them. In order to be accepted by society, we diminish our vitality and psychological well-being.

The question is, how to integrate the shadow? This life-giving integration of shadow makes us self-reliant. We may receive rebuttal from society but without integration of two parts of self, individuation is incomplete. So, how to do it?

Introspection, self-observation, honest self-analysis and reflection are the tools. We have to talk to ourselves candidly.

Accepting oneself, telling oneself loud and clear, "Oaky, I'm not perfect. I have urges. I want, may be, more fun, more power... I lie sometimes. I'm not as honest as I look. I'm tempted by luxuries..." so on and so forth. It is different with everyone. We hate people. We love people. We are jealous. We have passions. We have fears. We have insecurities. Recognition and acceptance by self is crucial. Once we do that, we realize that the social code of society is full of hypocrisy. It changes from one society to other and from one time period to another. Within one society and time, differ communal groups have different ethics.

Morality is never the same for the two genders. Social morality is not perfect. It is not necessary to behave according to dominant social behavior. Tiptoe - ing society will leave you psychologically paralyzed at times. You speak loudly, you look bad, you are not successful enough or beautiful enough or you do not dress properly... There is no end, especially in a society like India. It is essential to break the code at times. One doing so is not evil. One is only one thing with one's latent self. Assimilating some evil, a peg of wine, a puff, some flirting, bold dressing or laughing loud - all this is pretty normal. The societies which accommodate individual will are more productive and prosperous. The individual must have the freedom to satisfy individual needs which at times may run contradictory to collective values. Values given by society, family, school or peers are not final. Morality of society itself can be sick and in need of medication. We must strive not to have a fixed self-image. The shadow must be accommodated.

If the shadow grows and is not integrated into mainstream personality, it starts eroding g the self. It is a threat to fragile self-image. Everything and anything can hurt. Repressed shadow is bad for mental health. Acknowledge it. All of us are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If we do not face our darker side, sometimes it may result in sleeplessness, addiction, depression, and lack of vitality and joy. We deny it and it takes enormous proportions. Better accept it. For example, aggression is a social taboo. But healthy aggressiveness gives us ownership, self-respect, bravery, ability to face life and also our exploring spirit. Accepting our shadow is about growing and mastering life. Throughout our development, aggression is obstructed. It is met with punishment. To minimize conflict, we throw it at the back of our mind. No wonder so many people nurture rage, an unexploded bomb.

We should watch ourselves clearly. We should be able to see ourselves like we see another human being. "Okay, here is a lady, trying to make sense of things. She wants more out of life. And yes, why not." We should watch our impulses as well and analyze them. Our fantasies are important. Our resentment, bitterness, fears, desires, vengefulness etc speak through our dreams. They are our raw needs. It is time we reconnected to our assertive self and took decisions. Our aggression must move out through sports, exercise, regimen, running, or martial art. It gives us both physical and mental strength. By tapping our hidden energies, we become strong and act with force. We are more grounded, more secure, more independent, courageous and self-reliant. For psychological rootedness, wholeness and stability, we must accept that we are not perfect. Our mind wants to be wild at times. We should canalize that energy. The best part of the process is that we become less judgmental. Except for basic sins and crimes, we realize that it is human to be imperfect. Let people be the way they are. Their methods of fun, frolic, enjoyment and exploration are their own. Each one is differently creative. Let there be freedom.

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