Double Standards in Marriage: A Critique of Expectations and Responsibilities

Marriage, often heralded as a sacred union in India, is frequently accompanied by a paradoxical web of societal expectations, stereotypes, and double standards. While it is celebrated as a union of two families, the dynamics of expectations from men and women reveal a troubling pattern of imbalance and hypocrisy.

The Paradoxical Expectations from Men

In the Indian marriage market, a man is often expected to be the ideal package: wealthy, handsome, free-minded, and independent. These superficial yardsticks overshadow qualities like character, compatibility, and mutual respect. Families often prioritize material wealth over values, and this places undue pressure on men to meet societal benchmarks of success.

However, these expectations come with contradictions:

Financial Burden: While the groom’s family is often expected to bear significant expenses during the wedding and provide long-term financial security, any contribution by the bride’s family is labeled as "dowry." Though dowry is rightly outlawed, societal practices often blur the lines between gifts and obligations, creating tensions.
Parental Care: A man’s responsibility to care for his parents post-marriage is often treated as an additional burden by some families of brides, despite the cultural norm that expects sons to shoulder this duty. This is in stark contrast to the expectation that a daughter-in-law should seamlessly integrate into her husband’s family.
Women and the Question of Agency

While the fight for gender equality has gained momentum, it has sometimes resulted in a skewed interpretation of roles and responsibilities in marriages:

Domestic Duties: The expectation that a wife should cook and manage the household is often dismissed as an outdated patriarchal notion. While it is true that these roles should be shared, labeling every household task performed by a wife as servitude undermines the essence of partnership. Mutual cooperation and shared responsibilities are key to a successful marriage.
Contradictory Attitudes Toward Parental Care:
A glaring double standard exists when it comes to caring for parents:
Families of brides often look for grooms from small families, preferably single sons who live independently without their parents. The ideal candidate is one who will not bring "additional baggage" into the marriage.
On the other hand, these same families expect their daughters-in-law to wholeheartedly care for their son’s parents. Even women themselves sometimes exhibit this bias—expecting their brother’s wife to take care of her in-laws while perceiving their own in-laws as a burden.
Divorce and Property Rights: The legal system in India often awards women a share of their husband’s property during divorce proceedings, recognizing the contributions they make, both tangible and intangible, during the marriage. However, this provision has occasionally been misused, leading to allegations of opportunism. The demand for an equitable share should not translate into exploitation.
The Need for Balance and Empathy

Marriage is a partnership that thrives on mutual respect, understanding, and shared responsibilities. The skewed expectations placed on both men and women reflect a deeper societal problem:

1.     For Men: The stereotype of the "provider" is unfair and outdated. Men deserve emotional support and acknowledgment for their efforts, not just materialistic validation.

2.     For Women: The demand for equality must be rooted in fairness. Dismissing traditional roles entirely or leveraging laws for unfair advantage can harm the very cause of gender justice.

3.     For Families: The hypocrisy of expecting others to fulfill duties that one would avoid themselves must be addressed. Families need to promote fairness and accountability rather than fostering double standards.

Conclusion: Towards a New Social Contract

Indian society must evolve to embrace marriages built on equality, empathy, and mutual respect. Both men and women should have the freedom to define their roles without succumbing to societal stereotypes. Families must focus on fostering understanding rather than imposing contradictory expectations.

The journey toward dismantling double standards requires introspection, dialogue, and cultural change. Only then can marriage truly become a union of equals.