If only
I could orchestrate a minor tragedy myself
That morning
Perhaps had tripped down the ladder
Hurting my back
Keeping you off your work
Or perhaps
A stabbing dart of pain
Had licked your heart
‘Rest a while,’
If the doctor had whispered worryingly
If only
Our four-year-old monster cast his spell on you
Climbed upon you like his favorite hill
Pulled your tie
Turned your spotless suit into a mess of creases
Clutched your mighty hairy hand in his tiny rebellious grip
And cried, “Papa I want you to drop me to school.”
If only I had held your marching steps
With a lusty smile and a squint in eye
That silly expression; our coded word
You know what it meant
If only I had poured the entire world’s
Lust and squint in it
Drew you back
Irresistibly to my warm confines
If only sun rays hadn’t pierced so early
Through our window panes
If only the alarm had failed to go off
If only we had over-slept
If only I had kept you off your work
If only we could trick the fate that morning.
