I am Hurt, and Want to Remain Thus

I am hurt, and want to remain thus.
Every time I heal the wounds,
I fall in love with you again,
or say so,
because love for you never goes,
it only shows tantrums to seek your attention.
This time, I don't want that attention,
I don't want the hurt to get cured,
I want to pretend to myself that 
I don't love you anymore
So that I don't show love to you
and thus don't give you the opportunity
to shower your agony on me...
I want to believe that I don't care for you hence,
and I don't want to see the face of the one who hates me so much.
I want to grow out of my self-made possessive walls for you,
I want to believe I can survive without you,
I want to experience again the life of non-dependability,
and I want to fly like a free bird again,
though without any love in my wings.
I want to stop feeling insecure about losing you,
because I think I already lost you
the moment you stopped believing in me
and showed lessened faith in my love.
I want to believe myself that I want to hate you
and I want you too, to believe in me for this...
I want to overgrow longings for you.....I hope I do...
Because, this pain is very painful...and you are too merciless.